How We Come Alive
by DesertFlower303
Summary: What happens when Jace is forced to deal with Clary's death and the aftermath of his trauma? Loosely based off of SHTV 3b, but better and focused predominantly on Clace and Team Evil the way things should've been. Rating is for future smut, not gonna lie, it's gonna be HOT! Please let me know what you think.
1. Shock

**Clary's Dead - DesertFlower303**

Disclaimer: I don't own Shadowhunters, but it would be pretty awesome if I did. Props to Cassandra Clare for being the originator and to everyone who's made the show a reality.

Synopsis: Jace deals with thinking Clary's dead.

Comments: It's been a while since I've written anything, please let me know if you want to read more.

Ch 1.

Jace's first thought was that Simon was mistaken. Clary wasn't dead. She'd survived Malaki, Valentine, the Clave... There was no world where she could be dead, not after all of this, not after everything they'd been through. Clary was alive. She was alive...

But Simon's face said it all. He believed what he was saying...

Jace stepped back his arms feeling like dead weights, heavy with the reality of everything that had just happened. Alec was dying, Magnus had given his magic away to save him and Clary... oh Clary... Jace felt everything inside of him break, a kind of panic coming over him. Every nightmare, every struggle to keep her safe, all of the torture Lilith put him through, Magnus's sacrifice to save him... none of it meant a damn thing right now if Clary was dead.

He felt light headed and weak all of sudden, like all of his breath had left his body, bile rising in his throat. His face contorted in agony as he collapsed to his knees screaming uncontrollably, the pain like a knife through his heart spreading from his chest to every other part of him. This was all his fault. Simon's mark may have banished Lilith but he was the one who had sworn Clary to secrecy. He'd done this. If only he'd been willing to tell Alec, maybe this could have been prevented... Jace couldn't bear it, his screaming turning into sobbing. He felt like he was being torn apart.

He was only vaguely aware when Izzy and Luke approached him but he couldn't move or even acknowledge them when they spoke. He heard Simon tell Izzy and Luke the news through broken speech, he must have been crying, still in shock.

He felt Izzy's arms surround him suddenly a few moments later, holding him tight as she knelt beside him.

It didn't feel real and yet it did all at once. Clary's last words to him kept ringing in his head.

 _I will never give up on you. Never._

He'd failed her. He made her promise to keep the wish a secret, he'd stubbornly hidden his dreams and struggles from her until he couldn't hide it anymore. He thought he was protecting her and all he'd done is destroy her. She'd given everything for him. She'd trusted him, believed in him and loved him so much, more than he could ever deserve. And now she was gone...

 _To love is to destroy_

He clung to Izzy, unable to do anything but cry. All his life, he'd never felt pain like this, not even when Valentine stabbed him in the heart. Dying had been easy, this was too hard to fathom. He would take being stabbed in the heart a thousand times over this...

When Jace was able to gain a little composure, he pulled back a little. His eyes burned and he felt like he couldn't quite breathe. He couldn't look Izzy in the eyes. "Alec... is he..."

"He's okay." Izzy choked out. She'd been crying with him. "Magnus called Katarina. She's been healing him. He's gonna be okay." Izzy held Jace's shoulders. "Do you need me to go with you?"

Jace shook his head as he held his hand to his side, his parabati rune felt like a knife wound slowly starting to heal. He'd felt Alec's pain on top of everything. It still hurt, but less than before... Jace, stood, not even bothering to wipe his face. He didn't know what to feel or how to move, just knew he had to get to Alec. Something needed to be okay today.

Izzy held his shoulders gently. "Go. I need to make sure Simon's okay." Jace nodded weakly and started down the stairs.

By the time he reached the bottom his rune had subsided to a dull ache. He found Alec where he'd left him except now he was sitting up, Katarina knelt beside him still working her magic. "I've done all I can Magnus." She was saying. "We should get him back to the loft. I'll be able to do more for him there."

"I'll help." Jace stated as he approached.

Alec looked up, still weak and in pain but he smiled faintly in spite of himself "Jace..." relief flooded through both of them as Jace knelt beside him and they embraced. "I'm so sorry Alec..." Jace choked out.

"Shhh..." Alec soothed. "Jace it wasn't you."

Jace wanted to believe it, but he'd felt the devastation of every kill, every possession, every amount of pain the Owl had used him to commit as if he'd done it himself. After a few minutes, they parted, and Jace helped get Alec to his feet, supporting him under his shoulder. As Katarina opened a portal Alec turned his head, looking around concerned. "Wait! Where's Clary?"

Jace froze beside him. He could feel the pain rising in him again, threatening to consume him. He pushed it down. He needed to get Alec to safety. "She's with Simon and Luke. She'll come down with them." Jace didn't sound convincing at all, but Alec was too weak to argue. They got him through the portal and helped him onto the bed and Katarina began working on him again.

Jace stayed until he could see that Alec was okay, then made his way to the balcony gazing out at the city below through blurred vision. He felt the tears sliding down his face. He couldn't stop them anymore. Every part of him throbbed with a searing hot pain that would not subside. All his life he'd never loved any woman he'd been with. Not until Clary. Jace had lost so much in his life, but he'd seen a future far beyond anything he could have imagined with her. And now all of that was gone... she was gone...

Jace barely noticed when Magnus came to stand beside him. "I know you think you're protecting him, but he knows you're lying... we both do. What happened?"

Jace looked over at Magnus, tears still streaming down his face. He opened his mouth to speak but he couldn't make the words come. Magnus' face fell. "Clary didn't make it..." Jace shook his head. He couldn't say it. Just thinking it was too much to bear. Magnus knew though, he could sense it without Jace saying a word. "Oh Jace... I'm so sorry..."

"I... I can't tell Alec. Not until he's okay." Jace choked out.

Magnus nodded. "I understand... but he's your parabati... he'll know that you're hurting..." Magnus gripped the boy's shoulders, wishing he could give him strength. It was easy to forget how young Jace was at times, but he was. He was so very young and he had suffered so much. "I know this loss feels like too much to bear and nothing anyone says to you can make it any easier... but we're here for you..."

Jace nodded, fresh tears falling from his eyes. Magnus squeezed Jace's shoulders gently and then seeming to sense that Jace needed to be alone with his grief, left to check on Alec. Jace stared out at the city, feeling suddenly small and insignificant and wondered if all the broken pieces of him could ever really be put back together again.


	2. Grief

Here it is, the next chapter. Angsty angsty angst. Let me know what you think.

—

Ch 2 - Grief

Jace sat on the edge of her bed holding a piece of charcoal from her easle. He twirled it around his fingers in staring blankly ahead. The past week had been a surreal blur. He'd been removed from duty indefinitely to be evaluated by the Clave. He'd walked through every test and hoop, been poked and prodded every which way. He'd gone through everything like he was a robot, the initial searing pain of his grief giving way to a kind of numbness, or maybe it was just covering the grief, protecting him from feeling the onslaught of his emotions, he honestly couldn't tell.

Alec had hardly left his side, insisting on being there in spite of protests from the Clave. They'd spent most of the time in relative silence. Jace had hardly managed to tell him about Clary, completely breaking down in the process, so Alec had been doing his best to avoid the subject for now. Izzy had been spending time with Simon making sure he was okay. He hadn't seen Maryse yet, but they'd spoken briefly on the phone in between the testing.

Ultimately the Clave has found him fit for duty but insisted on placing him on bereavement leave considering the circumstances. For once in his life Jace didn't argue. He might not be possessed anymore, but the residual effects on top of everything else had him feeling useless. He couldn't escape the simple truth, that all of this was his fault.

Every night he dreamed of her, loving her, kissing her, running toward her and never being able to save her. He avoided sleeping as much as possible until he couldn't fight it, but then he would awake panicking and grasping for her only to remember she wasn't there and never would be again. Sometimes he would cry, sometimes pound the bed with his fists and scream until his voice was horse and his breathing ragged. He'd always prided himself on being able to shut off his emotions to do what needed to be done, but this... he couldn't shut this out no matter how hard he tried. He felt her loss everyday like a vital part of him was missing and he could never get it back.

He'd asked everyone for space when he got back to New York as they prepared the right of mourning, another thing Alec had fought the Clave on. They'd argued that such a right should not be extended to someone who'd been sentenced to death. It was one of the few times Jace had seen Alec visibly angry in front of the Clave leaders. At first glance people usually assumed Alec disliked Clary, but he'd fought for this in ways Jace had rarely seen. Ultimately he had been able to convince them that it was in the interest of the New York institute for everyone to be given time to grieve.

Jace on the other hand hadn't said a word to anyone when he'd finally been permitted to leave. He couldn't stand to look them in the eyes knowing they'd sentenced Clary to death because of him. She deserved so much better.

And now here he was in her room feeling like a stranger to this place. He'd avoided her room until now, not able to summon the strength to go in, but something had drawn him here today. Maybe it was the intense longing to be close to her, to breathe in her scent before it faded, to hold onto any part of her that was left behind. Still, it felt wrong to be here without her, like he was invading her privacy, everything sitting exactly as she left it. It struck Jace that he hadn't been in her room since the night of their awkward shared date with Simon and Mia. They'd had so little time to just be together... and now she was gone. Forever.

A knock on the door broke him from his daze. He looked up to see Maryse standing in the doorway. "I thought I might find you here." She stated. "I'm so sorry I haven't been able to come sooner." She grimaced. It was still so strange to see her skin clear of runes. She was the same and yet different, but she was still his mother, the only one he'd ever known. He would've fought against her punishment if he had been himself. Lilith had taken so much from him, but the Clave wasn't far behind at this point.

"I'm the one who should be sorry." Jace spoke, his voice sounding foreign to him having hardly spoken in the last week.

Maryse came and sat beside him placing her hand on his. "You have nothing to be sorry for. None of this was your fault Jace."

Jace shook his head miserably. "I'm the one who made her swear to keep the wish a secret. This is ALL my fault."

Maryse sighed and squeezed his hand reassuringly. "You were protecting her."

Jace scoffed and stood starring down at the piece of charcoal in his hands. "Yeah... I did a really great job of that..."

Maryse came and grasped Jace's shoulders firmly. "Lilith did this Jace. She would've gotten to both of you whether you kept the wish a secret or not. You did everything you could son."

Jace couldn't accept it, the guilt weighed on him almost heavier than his grief. Today was the right of mourning and in all honesty part of him wasn't sure he could make it through without completely falling apart. "We don't even have a body..." he almost whispered.

Maryse placed her hands on each side of Jace's face. "Do you want me to walk down with you?"

Jace nodded gratefully.

It took everything he had to walk into the hall. He'd been to many rights of mourning in his short life. Shadowhunters had a tendency to die young. This was different. In place of her body was a picture of her, one he'd taken just a couple weeks before everything had gone to hell for them. Her face was glowing, her smile wide. She was so beautiful he could hardly stand it. His breath caught as he reached out to touch her face. Beautiful and brave, passionate and kind she was best thing that had ever come into his life.

He knew what he was supposed to do but standing here seeing her face... he felt like he might turn to stone if he acknowledged that she was really gone. Part of him wanted to die right here and now, to feel the sweet relief of death envelope him as it had before, except this time he would be joining her instead of leaving her, to be at peace in her arms once again. Jace closed his eyes and took a shaky breath. He couldn't breathe comfortably these days. He placed the piece of charcoal he'd been holding next to her photo and felt the grief rising again, threatening to swallow him.

Alec's voice brought him back to reality as he began to speak. "We are here today to honour the life of a truly exceptional shadowhunter Clarissa Fairchild or to those of us who knew her best Clary Fray. The one thing we all know is that without her bravery and determination millions of people wouldn't be here right now.

She was only with us for a short time..." Alec paused taking a moment, visibly impacted. "...but she left a legacy that will never be forgotten. She became more than just an amazing shadowhunter, she became part of my family and found a home here at the New York institute.

I know we are all accustomed to the right of mourning as a tradition, but as most of you know Clary spent the majority of her life as a mundane. So we're doing things a little different today.

Those who were closest to her will have the opportunity to speak now to honour her in the way she deserves to be honoured."

Alec came to stand by Jace who was still staring at her photo. "Are you okay?" Alec whispered. Jace's head dropped and Alec could see the tears seeping from his eyes, feel the pain rising again in him. "I can't do this Alec." He choked out.

Alec placed a hand on Jace's shoulder. Memories of what he'd seen in Jace's mind surfaced, the pain and hopelessness he'd felt from his brother surrounded by dead bodies of the woman he loved, dead by his own hand. Jace had been through so much. Alec's heart ached looking at him now. "You'll never forgive yourself if you don't do this. Just hold onto me. I've got you." Jace turned look Alec in the eyes and nodded after a moment and turned to face everyone as Alec stayed by his side for support.

Jace's voice trembled as he spoke. "I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say... " he began. "One thing I know, Clary was an amazing and gifted shadowhunter, but she was so much more than that. She was an incredible artist, a loving and loyal friend and an amazing girlfriend. She was braver than most of us could ever be, she was caring and compassionate and kind. She gave everything she had to save the people she loved... to save me..." Jace swallowed hard, on the verge of breaking down again. "She was the love of my life..." he choked out. He was really crying now. "... and the truth is... I don't know how to say goodbye to her... because I don't want to... " He looked over at her photo and then back to the people in front of him. He couldn't speak anymore.

Alec stepped closer as Jace's head dropped, his entire body shaking. Alec stepped in front of him and pulled him in as his parabati sunk into his arms. Jace sobbed weakly like everything inside of him was broken. Alec held him tight, steady. He could feel Jace's pain like it was his own and it broke his heart into a million pieces. There was nothing he could do except be here for him. Alec hoped by the angel that it would be enough.


	3. Denial

Okay, I promised some hot and cold and here it is. This is a shorter update. Thank you to everyone following this! I appreciate all the reviews! Enjoy!

—

Ch 3. - Denial

Jace's eyes fluttered open as he awoke. He smiled softly at the feeling of the angel beside him. Clary was still asleep, safe in his arms, peaceful and calm curled against him, her head resting on his chest. He revelled in the feeling of her, the softness of her pressed into him, her breath on his bare skin, the comfort of her hand over his heart. Jace often wondered if Clary was aware of how stunning she was to him, how much she affected him simply by being there. His heart swelled with love and contentment like nothing he'd ever felt. He breathed deep, the scent of her hair intoxicating to him. He was home.

Clary stirred sleepily shifting her head to look at his face. "Hey"

She smiled lightly. "How'd you sleep?"

Jace ran his hand over her back eliciting a small contented sigh from Clary. "Well. Almost too well thanks to you." He smirked.

Clary shifted a little so she could gaze down at Jace. "Are you saying I wore you out?" She raised one eyebrow. "The great Jace Herondale?"

Jace laughed lightly and brought his hand to her face running his thumb over her bottom lip. "I could go again." He playfully bragged, his voice laced in desire.

He felt Clary's light shudder as he lifted his head slightly, tugging gently at her neck as he brought his lips to hers. She met him halfway sliding her hand to his face caressing his cheek lightly as he melded his mouth with hers, tantalisingly slow and lingering. Clary sighed into Jace's mouth, the most erotic sound he'd ever heard, as she pressed her body closer letting her tongue slide along his bottom lip to meet his tongue, hungry and passionate. Jace held her face in his hands, revelling in the taste of her, getting lost in the sensations coursing through him as they continued to devour each other. He moved his hands, caressing her neck, down over her shoulders, grazing the sides of her breasts then gripping her torso firmly as she nibbled gently on his bottom lip. Nothing compared to being with Clary like this, desperate to be closer as if they could crawl into each other's skin. He could stay like this for the rest of his life and never need anything else. She was it for him. His missing piece finally found after all this time. Clary pressed her forehead to his as they momentarily parted, both breathing hard.

"I love you Clary." Jace breathed. "I've never loved anyone the way I love you."

Clary smiled for a moment looking touched and then suddenly her face changed, fear and anger taking her over. She pulled back, her lips curling into a scowl, eyes burning with disappointment. "Then why aren't you trying to find me?" She demanded.

Jace was puzzled at her sudden change in demeanour, too confused to speak. Clary got up from him and started walking away. Jace got up following after her through his bedroom door into the hall. She stood facing away from him as he ran after her, but no matter how fast he ran he couldn't get any closer. "Clary!" He called after her breathing hard. "Clary!"

Clary turned her head to look back at him, but she didn't see him, it was as if he was invisible. Her face was sad, lonely, scared, as if she expected to see him only to be disappointed that he wasn't there.

Jace kept calling out to her, but she couldn't see him, couldn't hear him. It was like there was an invisible wall between them but only he could see through it like a two way mirror.

Clary walked closer and as she did Jace noticed a mark on her shoulder. It looked like a rune, not burned but carved into her skin. Jace felt sick looking at it, not just at the way it was carved into her skin, but at the feeling it invoked. Everything about it screamed something was very wrong.

Clary looked right where Jace stood as if she somehow knew he was there now but couldn't see him. "He has me." Clary stated as if she was being watched and was trying not to be heard.

"Who has you?" Jace prodded, but she still couldn't hear or see him.

"You have to find me." Clary stated, looking around her as if she wasn't sure she was alone anymore.

"Clary where are you? Tell me how to find you!" Jace was starting to feel desperate.

Clary's expression changed, fear flooding her features as a faceless figure hovered in the background, lurking as though trying to hide their identity while making it clear that Clary was theirs.

"You know who." Clary stated. "You have to find me Jace, I can't hold on much longer." Clary froze as the figure shifted rapidly to her side gripping her shoulder with its pale white hand. Clary looked terrified as the figure started pulling her backward. She reached out in front of her trying to grasp onto anything to stop her from being dragged away, but there was nothing to save her.

Jace yelled after her trying to reach her and not even moving and inch. He screamed her name over and over trying in vain to reach her, but she was only getting further and further away, pulled into an impenetrable darkness where he couldn't follow. He fell to his knees hopelessness overtaking him as Clary disappeared being pull into the dark by the unnamed figure. Jace whispered her name into the void tears streaming from his eyes. He couldn't save her...

—

Jace awoke with a start, sitting up in bed gasping and grasping for her only to find himself alone. Jace rubbed his face, his breathing still ragged and uneven, his entire body covered in sweat. This was his life now, dreaming of one thing he longed for more than anything and could never have again. Jace swallowed over the ever present lump in his throat fighting back tears. Crying was so useless. It wouldn't bring her back. It wouldn't heal his heart. _If my heart can be healed..._ the thought had been ever present since loosing her. How exactly people moved on from such a loss he didn't know. Right now it felt impossible to comprehend a life without her.

Jace got up and went to the window opening it to let the night air in, felt the soothing coolness wash over him, closed his eyes as he breathed deep trying to calm himself. Weeks had passed since the right of mourning and the nightmares had persisted every night without fail. Every night he felt her with him only to lose her again. He felt heavy with grief and guilt and regret. He'd never told her just how much he loved her and it tortured him that he would never have that chance.

Jace opened his eyes looking down at the streets bellow. At first he didn't notice until the figure moved. He drew into sharp focus honing his senses. Someone was down there standing in the shadows wearing a hooded black cloak. Small from the look of what Jace could make out of their stature. They moved forward slightly just out of range for the wards surrounding the institute. Whoever they were they knew what they were doing. They paused for a moment and then removed their hood to look directly up at Jace.

Jace's heart felt as though it had stopped and all of time stood still. His mouth hung open in disbelief, every one of his senses suddenly coming alive as if in slow motion. He gripped the barriers of the balcony and leaned over honing in further to be sure his eyes weren't deceiving him.

"Clary..."


	4. Anticipation

I realise this update is a long time coming. Life gets crazy at time, but it's finally done. This chapter's a bit longer than the others. I hope you like. xxx

Chapter 4. Anticipation

Alec wandered through the institute thankful for the peace and quiet. He loved the feeling of this place at night when everyone else was asleep or out on patrol. There was a peace that came upon the halls which were usually buzzing with energy and life. It was a relief to be alone sometimes at the end of the day after all the dealings of running the institute were done. Usually he would go straight to Magnus, but tonight he felt the need to be alone... or maybe he just felt the need to be closer to Jace right now...

Alec headed up to the rooftop as he often did when the day was done. He'd always loved being up here at night, just him and night air, the view over the streets and park bellow. It was beautiful and peaceful. It kept him centred and calm.

So much had happened so quickly. Their entire world had been turned upside down with the loss of Clary. In all honesty Alec had never realised how much a part of their lives she'd become until she was gone. And though he'd rarely gotten along with her and was often annoyed with her, she'd become a part of his family somehow... and he missed her. She could be reckless and impulsive, but she was also kind and compassionate and fierce. Nobody expected the storm that would come for them if they crossed her or tried to hurt the people she loved.

Alec took a deep breath and let it out slowly. They had a long way to go before things would feel normal again. At least Jace was finally starting to get a bit more sleep even though Alec knew he was still plagued with nightmares. His parabati had suffered so much, more than anyone ever should, but the last few weeks had been a twist of fate far beyond cruelty. He deserved to rest.

After a while when Alec felt more centred he descended into the opps centre to check on Izzy. "Hey" Izzy greeted him as he approached. "What's got you up so late?"

"Just had some reports to finish." Alec took a look at the monitors. "Anything interesting?"

Izzy shook her head. "Not really." She turned to Alec. He always looked a little pained these days. "How's Jace?"

Alec looked Izzy in the eyes before looking down and letting a long sigh. "He lost the only girl he's ever loved and he was forced to kill the last of his biological family. He's devastated..."

Izzy placed her hand on her brother's arm comfortingly. "I know... but he's got all of us to help him through this. He's gonna be okay Alec."

Alec shook his head. "I don't know. I've never seen him like this Izzy. I just wish there was more I could do."

Izzy smiled grimly. "I know."

Alec nodded. "And how about you? Are you okay?"

"As well as can be expected... better than Simon..."

Alec grinned a little wickedly. "You've been spending a lot of time with Simon lately?"

Izzy laughed lightly and raised her eyebrow for emphasis. "We're just friends."

Alec gave her a suggestive look. He may have been caught up lately, but he wasn't blind. There'd always been an ongoing flirtation between her and Simon, but lately something more seemed to be developing. The only people who seemed oblivious to it were her and Simon.

Izzy punched his arm playfully. "What?"

Alec gave her a knowing look. "When you're ready to talk about what you need to talk about I'll be here." He stated feeding her own words back to her from when he'd been totally oblivious to what was happening between him and Magnus.

Izzy looked almost shocked. Alec was so rarely snarky these days. Just as she was about to respond, Jace came racing through the opps centre without a word almost too fast to recognise it was him and headed straight for the door. Alec and Izzy looked at each other. "Did you just?..." Izzy asked.

"Yeah..." Alec responded. "I'll go check."

Jace _ran_. He didn't think, didn't speak, he just ran as fast as his legs would carry him. His only thought, his only concern was to get to that hooded figure in the shadows. His heart raced from more than just physical exertion. He was both terrified and hopeful all at once. He didn't stop when he passed Alec and Izzy in the opps centre, he raced out the door to the place where he'd seen her.

Near panic set in when he reached the spot to find that nobody was there. And then he saw it, a piece of paper placed under a rock where the figure had been. Jace picked it up forcing himself to slow his breathing as he unfolded it. Before he read a word he was completely certain of one thing, it was undoubtedly Clary's handwriting.

 _Jace,_

 _I'm okay, but I can't come back, not yet. Meet me at my old apartment in Brooklyn tomorrow at midnight. Nobody else can know. I'll explain everything I promise._

 _Clary_

Jace let go of the breath he wasn't aware he holding until now. She was alive. Clary was _alive_. Jace snapped back to reality when he heard Alec's voice calling his name. He quickly stuffed the paper into his jacket pocket and turned to Alec as he approached.

"Are you okay?" Alec asked as he came near.

Jace did his best to look lost and stunned, which wasn't all that hard right now. "I'm... I'm okay. I just..." Jace shook his head. "I thought I saw someone..."

"Saw who?" Alec gently prodded.

Jace let out a shaky breath. "Clary..." he shook his head. "I thought I saw Clary. I must really be loosing my mind..."

Alec shook his head. Jace looked so helpless, so tired and worn down. He'd become skinnier, he had dark circles under his eyes and skin paler than was normal for him. He hadn't shaved in what looked like weeks. Alec reached out and gripped his arm comfortingly. "You've suffered an unimaginable loss Jace. I think it's probably natural to wanna see her everywhere you go."

Jace nodded and worked on controlling his breathing. "Yeah... yeah I guess you're right..." he grasped Alec's arm gratefully. "I should... try and get some sleep."

Alec walked him back to the opps centre then let Jace make his way back to his room alone.

"Is he okay?" Izzy asked when they were alone again.

Alec grimaced looking after Jace and then back at Izzy. _No_. He thought. Jace was far from okay. But what he said was "As okay as he can be."

—

Jace closed his door behind him and pulled the piece of paper out from his pocket looking at it again, breathing hard. Was he crazy? Was this just a really good forgery? Was he just seeing what he wanted to see? He'd seen that rooftop blown clear away. It made zero logical sense for her to be alive and yet she was, she had to be. Everything else might be explained away except that she'd drawn the connection rune under her name like a signature. Only Jace and her knew that rune. It was one of hers. They never shared it with anyone else. It was theirs. She was making sure that he knew this was real.

Jace started laughing suddenly, a little hysterical. He felt relieved and anxious, lightheaded with the sudden revelation and something else he couldn't quite describe. This must've been how Clary felt watching him come back to life. He remembered how surreal it was, waking up and seeing her face smiling at him eyes rimmed with tears of relief and love pouring from every part of her. The way she looked at him like he was the only thing in the world to her. They way she kissed him like her ability to keep breathing depended on him. He'd never realised all that time how much he meant to her until then.

Jace checked his clock. 4am. 20 hours until he could see her again. Jace laid down to rest. She may be alive but something was definitely wrong if she couldn't come home. He needed to rest so he could be at his best for whatever he was walking into.

Hours later Jace awoke feeling groggy but better rested than before. He sat up swinging his legs over the side of the bed and rubbed his eyes. He looked at his clock. 1pm. 11 hours to go. He needed to get ready. He pulled his duffel bag out from under his bed. Considering he didn't know how long he'd be gone he needed to be prepared. He packed his bare essentials as if he was going into extended battle and stashed his bag back under his bed for later.

When he was done with his own supplies he wandered down the hall into Clary's room. It still impacted him that even after all these weeks it still smelled of her, that faint scent of her body lotion mixed with charcoal and pencil shavings. And something else, something he couldn't quite describe that was unique to her, that scent he couldn't get enough of and couldn't wait to breath again.

Jace breathed deep, shook himself out of his moment and looked around. He didn't know what she needed, but one thing he knew was she hated to be in dirty clothes for too long. Also she felt naked without that piece of charcoal in her pocket. Jace grabbed a few things he knew she would appreciate along with her favourite clothes and stashed them in one of her art supply bags and then stashed them along with her shoulder bag under her bed to collect later. People wouldn't look twice at him wandering into Clary's room, he did it often enough. They would however find it suspicious if he walked through the halls carrying her things.

There was two more things he needed before he left. First he needed an inside man, someone who knew where he was going. It couldn't be anyone at the institute. It had to be an outsider, someone reliable and trustworthy who could keep their mouth shut. Luke was in the middle of a hearing after what happened with his partner along with all his other prior enquiries. Mia hadn't been seen in weeks. That left Simon. Jace rolled his eyes. Figures it'd be him. At least he knew without a doubt that Simon would do anything for Clary. The next thing he needed was the faerie rings which had been confiscated from Valentine when he was arrested. If what he suspected was true he needed to be able to communicate without using his phone. Jace knew where they'd been stored, luckily Izzy was on night duty this week which left the armoury clear within an hour of him meeting Clary.

Jace checked his watch. 2pm. 10 hours to go. He picked up his phone and dialled Simon's number. Simon sounded genuinely surprised when he answered. "Jace?"

Jace got straight to the point. "Simon. I'm about to text you an address. I need you to be there in an hour and you need to delete the text. No questions asked."

Simon started babbling as he always did, Jace listened for all of 5 seconds before interrupting. "Simon I can't explain over the phone. You're just gonna have to trust me."

Simon stuttered for a moment resigned. "Okay. Okay, yeah wherever. I'll be there."

Jace hung up and texted the address as he headed out. He needed coffee to deal with Simon.

—

Simon frowned after after getting off the phone. He was confused but also intrigued. Jace generally didn't call unless it was important and although he'd never say it aloud he was pretty sure Jace blamed him for Clary's death, so him calling... something must be up. Simon still blamed himself everyday. Clary's face haunted his dreams every time he slept. He blamed himself. He could blame the mark, but the fact was it was his fault. He should have been more careful. He should have told Clary to stay back or leave. But he didn't. And now he would never see his best friend again.

The thought made him want to run away and never come back, because it wasn't just him who had lost her, it was Jace, Luke, Izzy, hell even Alec. They'd all loved her and they all felt her loss. Simon thought about running almost everyday, but he couldn't. He had to face this and he couldn't leave his sister. Izzy had been a rock for him the past few weeks. She checked in on him every second day or so, a message here, a call there. She somehow found a way of being a constant presence in his life without being annoying.

She kept him company when she could. They'd taken to walking through the streets and parks of Brooklyn at night. Izzy called it her escape. Things at the institute had been "tense" as she'd described it. The entire institute had been under investigation following Jace's possession, Clary's deception followed by her death. Everyone was being examined thoroughly to assess their effectiveness and competency. Izzy rolled her eyes and tried to make light of it, but Simon could tell she was stressed.

In all honesty Izzy was the main reason Simon resisted the urge to run everyday. He knew she was just trying to be there for him but he was starting to feel like she was also leaning on him as much as he was on her. With Mia still absent with no indication of when she was coming back, it was nice to have Izzy around. There was something about her Simon couldn't quite describe. He'd been terrified of her in the beginning, but as he'd gotten to know her she'd become of the few people he felt completely comfortable with. He knew that most people never saw beyond her tough and stunningly beautiful exterior. They didn't know what they were missing.

When Jace's text came through Simon raised an eye brow. Clary's old apartment? Jace knew Simon knew where that was so why was he texting the address? Unless... unless he thought they were being watched. Something was definitely up.

—

Jace waited by the fire escape for Simon. His thoughts rolled over the possibility of what he thought was happening. Lilith's only goal in escaping from Edom had been to resurrect Jonathan. She'd been so close before he... the owl that is had left to confront Alec. If Clary was alone she wouldn't have felt the need to keep their meeting so secret. Jace was almost certain of what he suspected, he only needed confirmation.

Simon's arrival broke through his thoughts. "Hey." Simon greeted him cautiously. It was hard to look at Jace after having seen him possessed by the owl. He knew he was himself again, but some part of him would always see that face when he thought of the person who'd thrown Clary from

that rooftop. He shook the thought away. Jace didn't deserve that stigma. "So what's going on?"

Jace fought the urge to roll his eyes. He needed to remain focused. "I need to tell you something Simon, but before I do I need to swear you to secrecy."

Simon wanted to wise cracked about secret rendezvous and how he just didn't swing that way but he knew Jace may actually punch him if he did. Instead he remained serious. "Secrecy is my middle name." Simon quipped. Okay maybe not that serious.

Jace wasn't amused, his expression serious. "I don't have time for jokes Simon. This is important. Life and death"

Simon took the hint. "Sorry. I'm listening."

Jace nodded. "Okay what I'm about to tell you cannot go beyond you and I. I cannot be more serious, for everyone involved, what I'm about to tell you has to stay between you and me. Understand?"

Simon nodded a little taken aback by how serious Jace was. "Yeah. Yeah I understand."

Jace took a deep breath and composed himself. He handed Simon Clary's note. He watched Simon's eyes go wide in realisation as he read. He look up at Jace in complete shock, speechless for probably the first time in his life. "Before you ask, yes this is real and yes I am sure."

Simon's expression was half hopeful half cautious. "Clary's alive? Are you sure?"

Jace nodded. "You see that rune?" Simon nodded. "She only ever shared it with me. I wasn't sure until I saw that. It's her, she's alive."

Simon's eyes filled with tears and he visibly composed himself. "Where is she?"

"I don't know. I'm meeting her here tonight and I need to be _alone_." Jace emphasised the word alone.

Simon started to protest. "What? No way, I'm staying, you can't just..."

"Simon!" Jace said firmly shutting him up. "You can't be here to meet her because I don't think she's alone and if what I suspect is true, I can't put anyone else at risk."

Realisation dawned on Simon after a moment and he seemed to begrudgingly understand. "Her brother..."

Jace nodded. "I think Lilith succeeded in bringing him back. It explains why Clary's only asking for me to meet her. She's trying to keep everyone she thinks he might kill on sight away."

Simon's brow furrowed. "Wouldn't that kind of make you number one on his list? You know dating his sister?"

Jace half shrugged. "Yeah it would."

Simon raised one eyebrow "And you're still going in?"

Jace looked Simon dead in the eye. "If Clary needs me I'm there. No questions asked."

Simon nodded. He didn't always give Jace a lot of credit, but watching the way he cared for Clary he had to give it to him. He really loved her. She came before him no questions asked. His best friend was in good hands. Simon took a deep breath let it out forcefully trying to let some of his tension out. "Okay... alright. What do you need from me?"

Jace reached into his pocket and pulled out the faerie rings. He handed one to Simon who examined it looking a little confused and then humerous. This time Simon couldn't resist. "Are you asking me to go steady?" He joked.

Jace's composure never wained. He ignored Simon's lame attempt at a joke and explained. "It's an enchanted faerie ring. They come in pairs like these." He held up the other one. "They're used for discreet manners of communication over any distance. Valentine used them to infiltrate the institute through Hodge. It's like a psychic connection between the two."

Simon nodded in understanding. "You need an inside man."

Jace nodded in return. "Obviously you weren't my first choice..." Jace started prodding a little, but then turned serious. "...but you're all I've got." They both looked at each other in understanding. "I'm going to meet Clary here tonight. And nobody can know where I am. Not even Alec or Izzy. I'm going to leave them a message telling them I need an extended leave of absence to grieve. They have to believe nothing has changed, otherwise they'll come after me and they can't do that."

Simon swallowed hard. He felt the seriousness of it all and even though he hated it, he agreed to stay away and let Jace go. He couldn't help the tears of relief that fell as he made his way home, the faerie ring burning a hole in his pocket. Clary was alive.

—

Jace waited as long as he could before collecting his and Clary's bags. Hers fit neatly into his. He left his note to Alec on his desk after checking Alec wasn't around. Just as he was heading for the back entrance however Alec appeared coming through the door. Jace froze for a moment and then tried to act casual. "Hey."

Alec looked at Jace's bag and Jace could hear the he was trying to hide in his voice. "You're leaving?"

Jace sighed feeling pained. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Alec. "I just... I need some time away from here to grieve... alone... I uhh... I left you a note."

Alec was angry. No, not angry. Hurt. "A note? You were just gonna leave a note and leave me behind?"

Jace swallowed. "I didn't wanna bother you... I'm sorry..."

Alec took a deep breath, let it out a little shakey. "Bother me? I'm trying to understand Jace, I really am. I mean I get it. You lost someone who meant the world to you... I know, I'm your parabati, I feel what you feel every day. I just... I don't know how to help you and I... you were just going to leave?" Alec was at his wit's end.

Jace felt his eyes pricking with tears as he saw Alec's eyes glisten. Alec was hurting that much was clear. Jace stepped to him and wrapped him in an embrace. Alec pulled him in and they both breathed deep. Jace felt a twinges of guilt. He sometimes forgot how sensitive Alec was and how much things hurt him. Alec was feeling his grief second hand he knew, it was part of being parabati. "I'm so sorry Alec." He stated.

Alec held him for a long time before pulling back enough to look Jace in the eyes. "I'm not saying don't go. If this is what you need I'll give it to you. I'm just saying that I don't want you to feel like you have to slip out like this. You can talk to me."

Jace nodded feeling pained. He needed to make this right when he came back. _If you come back_. The thought sobered him. If this was the last time he saw Alec... he couldn't entertain the thought. "I know... I just need some time... I don't feel like I'm useful to anyone right now. I can't sleep, I can hardy eat, I feel weak and useless... I just... I need to get away for a while..."

Alec nodded understanding. "I get it... just... take care of yourself and come home to us when you're ready."

Jace grasped Alec's shoulder with his free hand and nodded. And then he left hoping against all hope that this was not goodbye.


	5. Reunion

Chapter 5 - Reunion

Clary arrived early. Things had been so crazy since the explosion on that rooftop, she needed a moment alone to think, to breathe, to centre herself. She was excited about seeing Jace... okay much more than excited. It felt like a lifetime since she'd been wrapped in his embrace, since they'd had even a moment alone without having all these obstacles in their way.

Things had changed so much after Jace was brought back to life. Clary's heart ached for him and all he'd been through. His face when he'd awoken in his room that day he couldn't remember how he'd gotten home still haunted her. She'd never seen Jace so vulnerable or scared. It had terrified her. And then she'd found out the truth, so much worse than they'd considered. What Lilith had done to him... She wanted nothing more than to take him in her arms and tell him it was okay.

There was nobody in the world like Jace. He was insanely brave and cocky, but he was also sensitive, more than he would ever dare admit but every now and then he opened to her and she could see the vulnerability in him, that soft heart buried under so many defences to protect himself. He rarely opened to people but he did with her. Longing. That's why she felt. Pure unadulterated longing for the man she loved.

How he would react to Jonathan though... this she needed to figure that out. Considering the last time they met they were in a fight to the death Clary had insisted on meeting Jace alone tonight. Jonathan had begrudgingly agreed, but he didn't look happy about it.

Clary wandered through the apartment taking in the world that used to be hers. It was burnt and dusty but part of it still felt like home in a way the institute never would. Clary ran her fingers over the walls and frames imagining how it looked before it had been burned out.

Clary sighed feeling displaced. She didn't have a home anymore. This place was unliveable and as long as the Clave still wanted her dead she couldn't go back to the institute. The only place for her right now was with her brother. She still wasn't sure how she felt about that. Oddly the feeling of uncertainty seemed to fade the closer she was to Jonathan. It was when they separated that she felt it the most. This insidious feeling that maybe being near Jonathan was the most dangerous place she could be. And then she was near him again and the feeling would fade.

Clary checked the clock on her burner phone. 5 minutes. Her heart started racing and she had to force herself to breathe deep. Any moment now. Clary walked to one of the windows and gazed up at the moon. The sky was clear tonight spare a few whispy clouds brushing over the moon. It was a sight she'd been used to of late only moving about under the cover of night. To say that Jonathan was paranoid about her being seen was an understatement. Him not so much. But then nobody knew what his real face looked like.

A voice broke through Clary's thoughts calling her name.

"Clary?"

Clary would've known that voice anywhere. She turned to see the most beautiful face in the whole world lit up by the moonlight, staring at her with an unimaginable expression of love, relief and pain all combined. A desperate smile crossed his face as he took a step toward her, almost as if he couldn't believe she was real.

Clary's face lit up and her heart swelled as she gazed at him neither daring to move for a moment as if they were both afraid that if they did the other would vanish. Clary took a small step towards him and whispered his name like a prayer.

"Jace."

One more moment and then Clary _ran_ to him practically leaping into his embrace. Jace caught her dropping his bag and pulled her in tight but gentle enough to not crush her. He was always so careful with her. He bent down pressing his face into her neck and breathed deep. She clutched at his back her heart hammering in her chest. She felt him trembling, heard his shaky breathing as he sobbed unable to contain his emotions. Clary held the back of his head in her hands and stroked over his hair soothingly. She buried her face in his chest and breathed deep, revelling in the feeling of him under her hands, the smell of him, the warmth radiating from him. She was home.

Holding him close she noticed a few subtle changes. He felt skinnier than he'd been, a little worn around the edges. His face usually covered in a little stubble now had more than a little overgrowth. She was concerned but decided a scolding on taking care of himself could wait. They stayed like that for what felt like a long time taking comfort in each other, until their breathing became even and their desperation subsided.

When they finally pulled back a little Clary slid her hands over him from his neck to his chest as he pulled back to look at her. He held her face in his hands and she realised with relief that his tears were tears of joy. His gaze was intense as he caressed her face with his thumbs as he sniffed back tears. He looked at her as if she held the sun the moon and all the stars all at once. "Clary... it's you... it's really you" he looked at her in awe like he couldn't quite believe she was there.

Clary smiled and brought her hand to his face stroking his cheek gently. "Yeah it's really me..." she wiped the tears from his eye, her brow furrowed in concern. "Jace are you okay?"

Jace shook his head. "I thought you were dead... I... I thought I'd never see you again..." his voice still trembled and it became all too painfully obvious why he looked so worn. He thought she was dead. He'd been grieving.

Clary's eyes filled with tears. It broke her heart to see him like this. What he must have gone through... she reached up and held his face in her hands. "I'm so sorry Jace... I couldn't get here any sooner."

Jace smiled through the intensity of his emotions, holding her face as if she was the most precious thing in the world. "We can talk about that later. Right now I just wanna kiss you."

His eyes burned with love and desire as did Clary's. They came together with almost bruising force, lips crashing together in a heated frenzy, hungry for connection, caught up in the horrifying reality of nearly losing each other forever. In all honesty Clary hadn't allowed herself to really feel it until now. She pulled him closer and pressed herself completely against him like breaking their connection would tear her apart. Clary wasn't sure how long it had been when they parted but it didn't matter. They pressed their foreheads together both breathing hard, still caressing each other's faces.

There was so much to say. Luckily she'd made sure Jonathan knew she would be needing a lot of time. He'd joked of course about not wanting to find them in a "compromised" position. Clary'd laughed lightly remembering the last time she'd pulled a move on Jace unsuccessfully. He'd made it clear that he wasn't ready to go there with her after their awkward date with Mia and Simon, but Clary had always felt like there was more to the story. Not that she'd told any of this to Jonathan. Her sex life was definitely one thing that was none of his business.

Clary took Jace's hands in hers and gazed into his eyes. "Come with me." She tugged him into the middle of the room and began drawing a portal rune. Jace picked up his bag where he'd left it and stood beside her. Clary grabbed his hand as the portal opened and looked at him smiling.

"Where are we going?" Jace asked.

"You'll see." Clary stated. "Just hold on tight. Don't let go of me."

Jace nodded and they stepped into the portal together.

—

Jace recognised the room the second they stepped out.

"Valentine's cabin." Jace stated. They were in the basement. "Isn't it a bit of a risk portalling into Allicante?"

Clary smirked. "Maybe. They'd have to be able to recognise the portal first. So far they have no way to trace my portal rune. The wards don't recognise it. It's why I was able to create it inside the institute the first time."

Jace smiled unable to hide his pride in her. "You figure that out on your own?"

Clary shrugged. "Mostly. Jonathan pointed out the reason though."

Jace folded his arms becoming serious. "So he is alive."

Clary looked almost guilty. "Yes."

"Lilith's ritual was completed." Jace swallowed. It was still difficult to say her name remembering everything she'd put him through.

"Yes." Clary gestured for him to sit down as she did. "There's a lot we need to talk about. But first I need you to promise me one thing."

Jace nodded. "I'll do my best."

Clary knew what he meant but she let it slide. "I need you to promise me that you won't hurt Jonathan." Jace raised an eye brow and opened his mouth to protest, but Clary held a hand up gesturing for him to stop a pleading expression on her face. Jace begrudgingly obliged. "I know what he's done, I know what he tried to do, but something's different now. He's different now."

Jace listened until she was done. "Can I speak now?" Clary nodded. "Okay. I'll play nice Clary, but I can't make that much of an absolute promise, because if he EVER tries to hurt you I will take him down and I won't think twice. I'm never losing you again."

A look crossed over Clary's face that was almost unreadable. She was scared of something, a little touched but also wary. "I thought you might say that. Look you don't have to be his best friend. I just need you to give him a chance. He's my brother Jace." She looked vulnerable the way she always did when the topic of how much family she had left.

Jace reached over and grabbed her hand squeezing it comfortingly. "I'll do best."

Clary smiled a little sadly and squeezed his hand in appreciation. "So I guess I owe you some answers."

Jace looked her in the eyes. "Only if you're ready."

"I am." Clary stated without hesitation. "So I guess we'll get the obvious out of the way."

"Where have you been all this time?" Jace asked.

"Edom... at first. That explosion banished Lilith, but since Jonathan and I were also there the blast carried us along with her." Clary paused looking a little uncomfortable.

"Are you okay?" Jace asked, concerned.

Clary nodded. "Yeah... it's just... it's still a little difficult to talk about, but you deserve to know." Clary paused for a moment then continued. "I woke up in the middle of a desert. The sky in Edom is always dark, red tinged in daylight. And it's filthy. Creatures everywhere. Definitely somewhere I'd prefer not to go back to anytime soon."

Jace nodded. "That's understandable. How did you get out?"'

Clary continued. "Well when I woke up the first thing I saw was Jonathan standing over me. I didn't recognise him. He's been... regenerated in a way. He looks now the way he would have if they'd never burned his skin in Edom. It took us a couple weeks in earth time to get back, but time moves a little differently in Edom. 2 weeks there is more like 6 months."

Jace squeezed Clary's hand again at her pained expression. "You're okay Clary."

Clary smiled in appreciation. "I know. And I missed you... Every single day."

Jace smiled. "I missed you too... more than I can ever say."

Clary continued never letting go of his hand. "The ritual for breaking out of Edom is a little more complicated than getting in. It requires a sacrifice."

"A sacrifice of what?"

Clary looked really uncomfortably now. "A soul. A human soul."

Jace was nervous now. "You didn't..."

"No!" Clary reassured. "No not me."

Jace was visibly relieved. "Thank the angel. But if not you then who?"

"A stranger." Clary looked haunted. "Jonathan found them. An unlucky soul banished to Edom. I let him do it. I let him destroy a human soul..."

Jace knew this was worse than he was letting it sink in right now, but he also knew that he'd been forced to do much worse and Clary was more important right now. "You did what you had to Clary."

Clary looked pained. "I tell myself that but... I don't know... it still feels... terrible." Clary's eyes dropped to her hands looking at them as if they were something unclean.

Jace got up out of his chair and knelt in front of Clary. He took her hands in his and kissed both of them softly. Clary caught his gaze as he lifted his face to look her in the eyes. "Clary... I possessed 33 mundanes, I killed my own grandmother, I... I nearly killed Alec and... I nearly killed you..."

"That wasn't you Jace." Clary interrupted but Jace continued.

"I know... I was possessed... but I was awake for some of it... Not for possessing most of the mundanes, but everything else? I felt my body being used to hurt the people I love... and I couldn't stop it..." Jace bit his lip, visibly disturbed, but he collected himself. "I'm not saying this for pity. I'm saying this because you need to know that you're not the only one who's been forced to do unthinkable things."

Clary took one hand from his and caressed his cheek gently. "You can't imagine how good it is to see you again... I thought for a moment back on that rooftop that you were gone for good."

Jace reached up to caress her cheek in turn. "I _can_ imagine it. Having you here and now. It's the best feeling I've had in a long time."

Clary pulled him in for a kiss overwhelmed my the emotions flying between them. Their kiss was gentle and lingering, hands caressing each other's faces as if they were the most precious thing in the world.

When they parted they held each other's gaze, breathing deep. Jace was reminded of the first time they'd used the connection rune. How intense the emotional charge between them had been, frightening to both of them. The charge was much the same now, but they no longer had the urge to run, rather it drew them closer.

Clary stood after a moment and Jace joined her. "Come." She tugged on his hand and started leading the way upstairs.

"Where are we going?" Jace asked.

Jace could hear the smile in her voice as she answered. "There's a bed upstairs right? Surely it'll be a lot more comfortable than the dingy basement."

Jace smiled and chuckled a bit. "Well yeah."

They made their way upstairs to the bedroom. There was a large window overlooking the view down to lake. This place held so many memories, most of them unpleasant for Jace, but being here with Clary felt... different. Like he could make new memories to drive out the bad until there was nothing but good anymore. Being here with Clary he could almost believe it.

"Out of curiosity, who owns this cabin now?" Jace asked as he turned to Clary who had taken up residence on the bed laying on her side propped up on one arm. She'd taken off her leather jacket and now just sported a black plain black tank and black skinny jeans hugging her frame perfectly.

She shrugged. "I do... strangest thing, turns out Valentine had a Will. He left this place to me. Though I'm not sure when he found the time to do that in between everything else."

Jace raised an eyebrow. "I'd say I'm surprised but I gave up trying to figure out Valentine a long time ago."

Clary shook her head. "Yeah." She looked up at Jace standing before her and truly took in the sight of him. Even looking so worn he was still the most beautiful man she'd ever seen. His black jeans and grey t-shirt which usually clung to him were slightly baggy, but she knew that underneath all of that he was still built like the fighter he was. The skin under his eyes sported dark circles from lack of sleep but his eyes shone with a certain kind of light that seemed reserved just for her. His pursed lips slightly upturned let her know that he knew she was checking him out and he really didn't mind. _Of course he doesn't mind_ she thought _he knows how gorgeous he is_.

There was a comfortable silence between them as they looked at each other taking each other in. Jace noticed a kind of sharpness about her face more distinct than before, definitely more muscle build on her lithe frame. Her skin was still pale and slightly freckled and her eyes still gleamed with a mischief that was unique to her. Jace smirked as he took off his jacket, climbed on the bed and laid on his side to face her. Whatever else was going on she was here. Alive. And they were together.

Jace figured now was the time to get to the point. "So... what happens from here?"

"We go back and meet Jonathan at the safe house..." Clary still seemed a bit hesitant. "...Which I know you're nervous about."

Jace looked almost insulted. "Nervous isn't really the word I would use."

Clary smiled knowingly. "Okay, so maybe more apprehensive?"

Jace shrugged. "I just don't trust him. I probably never will. I mean he did try to kill me..."

Clary looked a little pained at the memory. Every one of her family had tried to hurt or kill Jace at some point, Valentine _did_ kill him. If he were anyone else he surely would've run by now. Yet here he was taking her hand and stepping into the darkness with her.

Jace took her free hand in his, firm but gentle. "But I will give him a chance... for you."

Clary smiled gratefully. "Thank you Jace... wow, you must _really_ love me." She was only half joking, the other half of her was prodding because apart from right before he'd died he'd never really said it out loud.

Jace's face grew tender and he squeezed her hand. He felt his heart swell as he looked at her face so expectant and brave and more vulnerable than she would ever admit to. "I do." He almost whispered, his voice husky with emotion as he moved his hand to the side of her face. He stroked the side of her jaw with his thumb his whole face becoming soft as he gazed at her. "I _love_ you Clary." He confessed. "How could I not? You took an arrogant, closed off man and showed him how to feel again. You're always willing to fight for me even when the odds are impossible, even when it hurts you to do it. You never give up. How could I not love you."

Clary was visibly impacted, her brow furrowed, her mouth slightly agape as if she wasn't sure what to say. She placed her free hand over his heart where Valentine had stabbed him. Though the angel had brought him back to life she knew there was still a scar left to remind them of what had happened. "I love you too Jace." She stated through happy tears she didn't quite realise she was shedding until they spilled over and ran down her cheeks. She slid her hand, running her fingers over the nape of his neck as he wiped her tears away with his hand.

They both leaned in melding their mouths together slowly and tenuously. It felt different somehow in light of their confession, deeper, more exhilarating. Clary let her hand explore a little, sliding over his chest around his torso to his back. She dug her nails in a little enjoying the way Jace's breath hitched at the sensation. She had the feeling that he might agree to do anything she wanted right now, but she also knew they had agreed to take things slow. She didn't want to push things but she definitely wasn't ready to stop just yet. She decided to let him take the lead.

Jace took to exploring a little as well sliding his hand over her shoulder, down her torso to her hip. He slipped his thumb just under her tank to her soft skin underneath caressing her lightly. Clary's breath quickened as he touched her deepening their kiss, sliding his tongue over her bottom lip. She met his tongue dancing slowly with his, enjoying the sensation, the taste of him, the tenderness in the way he touched her. She grew a little braver and slid her hand underneath his shirt over his taught abdominal muscles.

Jace's breath quickened and he pulled back a little gazing at her. His eyes were dark with desire but also that fear again. That fear of losing her should they take things too quickly. Clary brought her hand to his face soothingly. "Hey... we don't have to do anything Jace... only as much as you want. I'm not going anywhere."

Jace smiled gratefully though she could see the desire still there underneath his fear. "It's not that I don't want to. It's just... when we go there I want it to feel... completely right... no hesitation... no rushing... not that it feels wrong right now... I just..."

Clary giggled to Jace's dismay. He was cute when he couldn't quite think of what to say. "I'm sorry." She reassured him. "I get what you're saying. And I won't deny that _everything_ in me wants you, but I want it to be right for _both_ of us."

Jace smiled tenderly raising one eyebrow suggestively. "I could kiss you more though."

Clary ran her thumb over his bottom lip and smirked. She brought her mouth to his and moved slowly with him. Jace sat up pulling her with him never breaking their connection. They manoeuvred themselves so that Clary was straddling Jace sitting on his thighs. She mused that in this position she could finally be almost equal to his height. It did make it a bit easier having his face level to her rather than having to look up. Jace didn't seem to mind having her ass within grabbing distance either. She could get used to this. But with a lot less clothing involved. Just the thought of it was enough to make her almost lose her resolve. She pulled back suddenly breathing hard as was Jace.

"If we don't stop or at least slow down I don't think I can restrain myself." She gasped.

Jace laughed lightly in agreement and rubbed her arms lightly. They shifted to lay down across from each other and simply talked. He filled her in on everything he could about Simon, Izzy, Alec and Luke. He told her about his suspicions that Simon and Izzy were getting "close". Clary smiled at the thought stating she couldn't think of anyone better for him. Jace didn't seem to hate the thought but also didn't love it. Her face grew sad as he confessed how horrible her loss had been, how lost he'd felt. He didn't tell her about the rings yet. He didn't want her to know so Jonathan had less chance of finding out.

He did however tell her that Simon was aware she was alive and Clary agreed it would be best not to involve him given his propensity for getting into trouble. He could tell it was difficult for her though. Simon was still her best friend. It couldn't be easy being away from him for so long. Jace hadn't been away from Alec for more than a couple days ever since they'd met. This wasn't going to be easy for him either.

Hours past before they fell asleep. They curled up together holding each other as they drifted into a deep sleep, staying as close as possible. _This_ Jace thought, as he faded into blissful oblivion for the first time in weeks _is what real love feels like_.


	6. Deception

Finally an update! Yes I know, surprisingly this chapter has absolutely ZERO smut, but it does have some sweet moments with both Clace and Sizzy as well as a newcomer which I won't spoil.

Disclaimer: I don't own TMI, Cassandra Clare has that privilege.

This one's for Jamie. I hope you enjoy after how long it's taken me to update.

 **Deception**

Jace was the first to wake come morning. Clary was still curled against him her head resting on his chest, her arm stretched across him lazily. Jace smiled as he opened his eye and gazed down at the mess of brilliant red hair and tiny hands draped over him. He stroked her arm with his free hand and turned his head to kiss the top of hers gently. He lingered breathing in the scent of her, a sense of peace washing over him. There was nothing better to him. This was perfect.

Clary's eyes fluttered open at the feeling of Jace's hand on her arm and his lips pressing into her hair. She sighed smiling contentedly. She'd woken up with Jace before but this felt different somehow more intimate. Clary shifted up so she could see Jace's face. "Good morning."

Jace brought his hand to her face caressing her cheek gently, her skin soft and smooth under his hand. Clary leaned in pressing a gentle kiss to his lips lingering for a moment after, biting her bottom lip. Kissing Jace after all this time was better than anything she could have imagined through those long months in Edom dreaming of the day she would see him again.

"I haven't slept this well in a long time." Jace mused gazing sleepily at her. She was always beautiful but there was something so soft about seeing her face first thing in the morning eyes still partly lidded in sleep, messed up red curls surrounding her lightly speckled ivory skin. He would never get tired of seeing her like this.

Clary brought a hand to his head running her fingers through his hair. "Same. I couldn't really sleep when I was in Edom. Even after getting out it's still… difficult." Jace rubbed her back soothingly and Clary smiled gratefully. He was always so gentle and caring with her. "There's something about being with you that makes me… calm."

Jace smiled tenderly. "I get it. I feel the same when I'm with you." He confessed, eyes vulnerable and wanting.

Clary kissed him again, soft and tenderly, before reluctantly pulling away. "We should get going." She stated "Jonathan will be waiting for us."

Jace nodded his expression a tight. Clary was about to ask him what was wrong when a voice rang out from across the room.

"He certainly will."

Clary and Jace sat up right, Jace positioning himself protectively in front of her. "Who are you? What are you doing here?" He demanded, getting poised to fight.

Clary placed a hand firmly on Jace's arm holding him back. "Jace it's okay. This is Jonathan." Clary's tone was reassuring but also clearly annoyed.

Jace was still tense, his mouth pursed, still prepared to fight. "Jonathan." He almost spat.

The figure smirked menacingly at Jace. "In the flesh." He looked like a cat ready to pounce. It did nothing to calm Jace's nerves. "Hello _angel_ boy." He practically sneered.

Clary rolled her eyes in annoyance. "I told you to wait for me. I told you I needed some _time. Alone._ " She emphasized.

Jonathan's expression was unreadable. "Well we all want things…" He mused rolling an object Jace couldn't quite identify in his fingers. "I got bored."

Clary raised one eyebrow. "Bored?" She didn't believe him for a second.

Jonathan smirked, clearly amused with himself and Clary wasn't about to put up with it.

"You _wanted_ to interrupt me and Jace." She pointed out the obvious.

Jonathan shrugged, probably the only normal gesture he could manage. "Maybe…" He admitted still smirking. "Can't be too careful about who you decide to share your bed with little sister." He suggested to Clary, clearly pleased with himself.

Clary rolled her eyes again, getting more annoyed. "Who I share my bed with is none of your business." She was starting to lose her patience. It was gonna be hard enough keeping Jace from trying to kill Jonathan, but she was starting to get the feeling that trying to keep Jonathan off of Jace was going to be a full time job.

Jonathan glanced at Jace and then back at her, a sly smile crossing his face. "If you say so. Can't blame a big brother for being protective. We Morgensterns are a dying breed… like the Herondales." He glanced back at Jace and smiled almost threateningly.

There was something about the way Jonathan spoke and moved that made Jace's skin crawl. He appeared to be human but there was an inhuman nature in the way he spoke and moved that made Jace uneasy. His first instinct whenever Jonathan was around was to move in for the kill. It wasn't just the demon blood, it was a very clear sense of danger that seemed to follow Jonathan everywhere he went. Clary he knew was just as perceptive as him, but to his surprise Clary's expression grew soft. "Jace would never hurt me." She reassured.

There was a strange kind of closeness between them Jace observed, something not quite right that he couldn't put his finger on. All he knew was he didn't want to leave Clary alone with Jonathan. "She right." Jace stated staring Jonathan straight in the eyes without flinching. "I will protect Clary with my life no matter what or _who_ tries to threaten her."

Jonathan's grin deepened like he was daring Jace to try and take him again. "I'm sure you will. Now if you're both ready we should really get out of Alicante before the Clave comes to arrest us."

Jace watched Jonathan's back cautiously as he left the room. It took him a moment to realise Clary was holding his arm. He turned to face her. "Just so you know, I'm ready to kill him if required." He stated seriously.

Clary reached for his hand squeezing it gently in hers. "I know he acts like a menace, but he's not so bad once you get to know him." She reassured.

Jace scowled, not convinced. He knew he'd promised to give Jonathan a chance, but that was a lot easier to say when he wasn't standing in front of him. "I find that hard to believe." He stated, but he squeezed Clary's hand in return eyes softening under her gaze. "I know I promised you I would give him a chance, but if he does anything to hurt you, I will take him down." He emphasised.

Clary stood up and squeezed his shoulder reassuringly. "Let's hope it doesn't come to that." She mused and went to gather her things. She was trying to sound casual but there was an edge to her voice that made Jace wonder if she was just as concerned as he was.

Jace stood up and put on his jacket and then picked up his bag. "Shall we?" He gestured for her to lead the way.

They found Jonathan in the basement where they'd portalled in the night before. "You ready?" Clary asked coming to stand beside him.

"Always." Jonathan stated.

"Where are we going?" Jace asked.

Clary turned to Jace a mischievous grin crossing her face as she pulled out her stele. "You'll see." She stated. She moved her arm through the air drawing her portal rune and gesturing to open it. The air in front of them exploded in a flash of light as the portal opened in front of them.

Clary held out her hand to Jace gripping his tightly. "Hold on tight!" She yelled over the sound of the portal rushing in front of them. Jace nodded and with one final deep breath he stepped with her through the portal.

***

Simon had never been good at keeping secrets. Just the thought of lying usually made him break out in a cold sweat. So it went without saying that he'd taken his time walking back to his apartment, trying to calm himself so that he wasn't so much of an open book of lies about to be spilled everywhere. Even before he entered the apartment complex he knew she was there. The scent of her blood was unmistakable, sweet, full bodied… heavenly. Simon shook his head. _Don't be creepy_. He chastised himself as he climbed up the stairs briskly.

He found her loitering outside his door looking almost… nervous? Since when did Isabelle Lightwood get nervous?

"Hey." He called out greeting her as he approached. "What's up? I didn't think we were meeting up today?" The last few weeks had been a blur to say the least. It wouldn't surprise him if he'd forgotten something.

Izzy smiled brightly as he reached the door. "We didn't." She confirmed. "I just had some time and thought I'd come by and see how you are."

Simon smiled. "I appreciate that." He stated gratefully. "Do you wanna come in?"

Izzy nodded. "I'd like that."

Simon opened the door gesturing for her to go in first. Izzy obliged and he followed closing the door behind him. He'd always admired Izzy for her strength and her caring nature but he'd never really thought they'd become so close. Having Izzy around the past few weeks had somehow kept him together even in his darkest times. Clary had always been his best friend and he'd never really thought he would have another close friend like her, but Izzy… there was something about her that made him feel at home, though he guessed she probably had that effect on all the people she cared about.

"Izzy…" He started unsure of how to say what he wanted to. He felt slightly nervous around her these days… well more nervous that he always had, he was still unsure why, _apart from the fact that she's stunningly beautiful and smart and caring and…_

Izzy laughed lightly at the expression on his face. "What is it Simon?"

Simon shook himself out of the moment. _Get it together man!_ "Sorry I just… I guess I wanna thank you. You've been a really amazing friend the past few weeks and I want you to know I really appreciate it."

Izzy smiled warmly. "I'm just happy I could be here. I can't imagine what you're going through."

Simon shrugged burying his hands in his pockets to keep from fidgeting. If he kept fidgeting then she would definitely know something was up. "It's been really hard." He admitted and it wasn't an exaggeration. Even though he knew Clary was alive now, there was still a huge hole in his life. His family was all but lost to him save Becky and as much as he knew it was for the best it killed him a little every day. "But luckily I have a few good friends around me." He returned her warm smile. "So, how's Jace?" He changed the subject realising as he did that he probably should've chosen a topic not so connected to the huge lie he was sworn to protect. _Nice one Lewis…_

Izzy's face fell, a deep sadness filling her face. "Jace is… honestly, he's barely holding on… losing Clary… it took something from him… He's taking some time away to try and deal but…"

"You don't think he's gonna be okay?" Simon asked.

Izzy met his gaze and he could see it now, the sleepless nights evident on her face, the concern and fear for her brother so deep it very nearly terrified her. He had relied on her so much these past few weeks that it had hardly occurred to him what she must've been going through, not only being here for him but also Jace. She sat down on the couch and shook her head gazing at the floor. "Sometimes I think Nephilum are more vulnerable than the rest of humanity. We're fierce in battle, physically stronger than most people will ever be… but heartbreak can ruins us. Some of us never recover…" She looked up at Simon as he came to take a seat on the stool in front of her.

"Don't you think Jace is strong enough to fight through this?" He asked. Simon had never pictured Jace as anything other than the peak of strength and prowess. In all honestly he'd been jealous of how physically immaculate and invulnerable Jace was and how powerfully Clary had always been drawn to him. It was more than the jealousy of knowing Clary felt something for Jace that she never would for him though. As much as Jace had annoyed him at first, Simon had to admit the guy was amazing and it was hard to imagine him not being able to cope.

"Jace is more vulnerable than he looks. He might be the fiercest shadowhunter of his generation physically, but emotionally he's… broken. After everything Lilith put him through and now Clary… I'm worried that one day he might not come back." Izzy dropped her gaze, looking down at her hands as if she was frustrated that she couldn't do more.

Simon came to sit beside her in silence for a moment. "I guess you know him best…" He stated. "But people are stronger than we give them credit for sometimes. I'm sure Jace is going to be okay."

Izzy look up into Simon's eyes gratefully. "Well I guess if anyone could relate it'd be you." She mused. "You've been so strong Simon."

Simon smiled. "As I said, I wasn't alone. I had help." He nudged her shoulder with his playfully.

Izzy's phone buzzed suddenly and she took it out to check. "I'm sorry, I've gotta get back to the institute." She stated standing up.

Simon stood nodding. "It's okay, I could use some rest anyway. Thank you for being here."

"Of course." Izzy said as she wrapped her arms around him hugging him tight briefly before holding him out to her by his shoulders. "If you need anything…"

Simon nodded. "I have your number." He reassured.

Izzy squeezed his shoulders gently, or rather what passed for gentle under her hands. Simon walked her to the door and waved goodbye as she ran off back to the institute.

The second she was out of earshot he breathed a sigh of relief. This was one secret he honestly didn't know if he could keep.

He pulled out the seelie ring placing it on his finger and called out to Jace in his mind.

 _Jace? You there?_

Okay it's a short update, but I hope you enjoyed.


	7. Secrets

Chapter 7 - Secrets

Jace fought the urge to take Clary and run the second he stepped out of the portal. He knew this place, the memories still fresh in his mind.

… _I will destroy you, like you destroyed him._

His entire body tensed at the memories still so fresh in his mind as if they'd happened yesterday. Lilith's apartment…

Clary, seeming to sense his unease, squeezing his hand, gazing up at him. He met her gaze, a wordless understanding between them. They both knew how bad things had been and how much worse they could've been. Jace stroked his thumb over her hand gratefully.

"Don't worry." Jonathan spoke up also apparently sensing Jace's unease. "Lilith's nowhere near here."

"So where is she?" Jace asked, keeping his voice even to mask his unease.

Jonathan smirked, a predatory gesture, like he could see right through Jace's armour, like he was searching for a weak spot to poke as soon as the opportunity arose. "In Edom… where she belongs." He spoke triumphantly as if he had placed her there.

"So I take it mother dearest isn't as dear to you as you are to her." Jace stated.

Jonathan laughed lightly, giving nothing away. "Wouldn't you like to know."

Jace took mental notes of his reactions. This was not the Jonathan he had known, this Jonathan was different somehow. The anger that always simmered below the surface was there, but there was a certain ease with the way he conducted himself now, less hesitancy, with the ease of a man who knew the game and wasn't about to tell anyone what it was. Jace would have to be smart if he wanted to figure out his plans while keeping Clary safe.

Jace shrugged acting nonchalant. "Your choice." He stated, letting Clary's hand go and wandering to the window to gage their surroundings. He raised an eyebrow in surprise to see the Eiffel Tower outside. "We're in Paris?" He turned to Clary who was smiling knowingly. He'd seen a lot of things in his life but a moving apartment? "So the apartment can move?"

Clary stepped closer to him again. "Another one of Valentine's tricks." She stated.

"Valentine's?" Jace asked more surprised. "Is there something I'm missing?" He pointed between Clary and Jonathan opening up the conversation.

"Valentine had a lot of secrets." Jonathan stated. "This apartment was one of them."

"So how did Lilith come to take possession of it?" Jace asked prodding.

Jonathan tilted his head to one side, almost as if he was deciding how much Jace deserved to know. "Well aren't we a curious little brother…" He smirked.

Clary rolled her eyes. "Jonathan." She chided. For an older brother he sure had a lot to learn about maturity. "This is where Valentine summoned Lilith." She clarified. "He kept this as a secret even from my mother. It was his… insurance if things ever got bad enough that he had to leave in a hurry."

Jace narrowed his eyes. "And how do you know all this?" He asked them both.

Clary smirked a little devilishly. "We may have tortured Lilith a little before leaving Edom."

Jace couldn't contain his shock this time. "You what?" He mouth fell open in surprise. "Are you crazy?"

Jonathan laughed genuinely this time him and Clary sharing a knowing glance that made Jace extremely uncomfortable. "Lilith may have a lot of power, but she made one big mistake when she brought me back." Jonathan paused as if for dramatic effect.

"And what was that?" Jace asked effectively keeping his voice even.

"She brought me back stronger." Jonathan stated, the hint of a threat in his voice.

Jace glanced between Clary and Jonathan gaging the atmosphere between them. Something chilled Jace to the bone as he observed them. Jonathan was different, but Clary was different too. It was more noticeable seeing her closer to him. Something in the way they moved, something more than their estranged familial connection. Jace couldn't quite describe what he was seeing other than there was something there, almost menacing between them, not aimed at each other but at everyone else, almost like twins. It made him more than a little uncomfortable in a way that made him want to take Clary and run as far away as possible.

"Well that's good for us I guess as far as plans go." Jace stated. "Speaking of which, what exactly is the plan here? We can't exactly get anywhere near the Clave or the institute and I highly doubt you're here just for sisterly bonding time."

Jonathan seemed slightly amused as if he was enjoying the secrecy of his own mind. "Now that would be telling…" He stated.

Jace decided to push a little farther. "Well it could only help you to have an extra person and I am after all _the_ Jace Herondale. My name can open a lot of doors, ones you might not be able to access without arousing suspicion." Jace couldn't help it, he enjoyed stirring Jonathan up.

Jonathan didn't seem amused. "Clary might trust you angel boy but you've got a long way to go before I ever will. My plans are my own, if you ever become useful I will be the one to decide."

Jace nodded pursing his lips. "Understandable." He hadn't expected Jonathan to tell him anything, that wasn't the point. He now knew without a doubt that there was a plan and he intended to find out what it was somehow without tipping him off. "Just out of curiosity though, how exactly do you plan to evade the Paris Institute while you're here? You might look different, but Clary doesn't and the Clave still has her under a death sentence."

Jonathan looked almost indignant stepping closer. "You don't think I can look after my own sister?"

Jace shrugged. "That has yet to be seen." He stated matter of factly. "And I for one am not willing to risk her life. So what's your plan?"

Jonathan started toward Jace, looking mildly annoyed with a simmering anger underneath. Clary stepped in between them sensing the obvious tension. "Now now boys." She chided. "We're all family here in one way or another, we should at least try to get along." She glanced between them eyeing them playfully, before settling on Jonathan. "Now I believe you still owe me some alone time with Jace since you so rudely interrupted us earlier."

Jonathan looked almost disgusted for a moment, but then his face softened marginally in a way that seemed not quite as brotherly as it should be as he looked at Clary. "I guess that can be arranged." He said begrudgingly as he walked away disappearing into another room.

Clary watched him leave before turning back to Jace smiling brightly. "So…" she began.

"So?…" Jace prodded.

"We're in Paris…"

"Uh huh…"

"City of love…" Clary took his hands in hers holding his gaze. "We should make the most of it."

Jace smiled warmly at her, but there was still some hesitancy. "I would love to make the most of it…" he started and then paused, thinking.

"But?" Clary prompted squeezing his hands gently.

"But I wasn't just trying to piss off Jonathan, I'm concerned about keeping you out of sight of the Institute." He looked down for a moment before meeting her gaze again, his face betraying the fears he felt. "I can't lose you again Clary…"

Clary brought her hand to his face stroking his cheek gently. "You won't lose me again Jace. I promise I'll be careful, but I can't live my life in the shadows. I got a second chance… I don't wanna waste it being afraid of what may or may not happen. I can wear a disguise, a glamour when I'm out and about."

Jace didn't look entirely convinced, but he nodded. "Okay, but the second anyone even comes close to recognising you, you _run_ Clary, do you hear me?"

Clary smiled warmly and nodded. "Okay. Now will you do me a favour?"

Jace nodded. "Anything."

Clary stepped closer pressing herself almost completely against him. "Shut up and kiss me."

Jace obliged, bringing one hand to her face, the other to her back, holding her gaze so full of desire for a moment before leaning into her, melding his mouth with hers slowly, reveling in the breathtaking way her mouth yielded to his as they explored each other, eyes closed against the force of the passion they felt for each other. Jace moved both hands to her lower back, sliding his fingers just underneath her shirt. A small moan escaped her lips and Jace found it to be the most erotic sound he had ever heard. Part of him, a part that was growing every day wondered what other sounds his touch could pull from her. He knew that he was the one who'd suggested they wait, but right now with her small, soft, warm body pressed against him, he could think of nothing better than ripping off her clothes right here and now, especially when Clary slipped her hands underneath his shirt and dug in her nails lightly emitting a small groan from him before he could even think about stopping it.

Clary pulled her mouth back for a moment kissing her way along his jaw to his ear, her breath rapid and hot on his skin. "Do you wanna take this somewhere more… private?" She asked, her voice low and sultry.

Jace closed his eyes as she continued, kissing her way down his throat before sucking a little more than gently, earning a gasp from him. He wanted her, oh by the angel did he want her, more than anything he'd ever wanted in his life. But something inside of him was still holding him back. He wanted her, but he wanted to give her more than just his body, he wanted her to feel like it meant something more than just a physical act in the heat of the moment. "I do…" Jace managed through laboured breathing. "…but not to the bedroom, not just yet." He pulled back just enough to see her face and grasped her shoulders gently.

She bit her bottom lip looking a little frustrated, but also understanding. "Okay… what do you want to do?"

Jace smiled and kissed her on the forehead tenderly before meeting her gaze again. "Well we're in Paris… it would be a shame not to explore a bit. How about a private boat ride on the Seine? We could see a bit of the city with less risk of being seen. What do you think?"

Clary smiled widely. "Why Jace Herondale, are you asking me on a date?"

Jace blushed slightly. "Yeah, I guess I am."

Clary raised on eyebrow. "After two failed attempts?"

Jace smirked, "Third time lucky?" He asked.

Clary reached up and caresses his face lovingly. "That would have to be the best luck ever."

Jace laughed took both her hands in his running his thumbs over them gently. "I think this particular girl is worth it. Besides I'm not afraid of a little danger."

Clary moved closer so that her face was mere inches from his again and whispered. "Lucky girl."

"Is that a yes?" Jace asked, his eyes holding her gaze.

"Well I don't know…" Clary teased. "Will there be more of this after?"

Jace grinned. "I hope so." He stated stroking his thumbs over her hips.

Clary smiled, nodding in agreement. "Okay yes… I happen to think this boy is worth it too."

Jace grinned widely. "I'll go make the preparations." He brought her hands to his lips and kissed them gently. Maybe away from New York in a city they didn't know they might be able to just pull it off.

—

Jace's alone time wasn't just about planning their evening. He walked along the river checking messages from home, replying with short, non-specific responses, letting Alec and Izzy know he was safe before finding a secluded spot near the river bank. There was enough traffic that he didn't stand out, but not so much that he couldn't think. He pulled out the Seelie ring from his inside pocket and put it on.

 _Simon? You there?_ It was a strange feeling wearing the ring, like waiting for a connection to be opened. He kept the connection open waiting as few minutes and finally heard a response.

 _Jace? Thank God, I've been trying to connect for hours, I kept the ring on just in case but I need to be careful, I am such a bad liar, why would you ask me to do this? Is Clary okay? Where…_

 _Shut up Simon._ Jace interrupted his rambling, starting to question his choice of confidant.

 _Oh… okay…_

 _Listen I don't have long. Clary's safe, we're in Paris and I'm with her, but the situation is complicated. Jonathan's alive. He's changed but he's alive. I need you to keep your head together until I figure out what's going on…_

Even Simon's thoughts sounded panicked. _Jace this is bad, Jonathan's bad. Are you sure you don't wanna tell Alec or Izzy?_

Jace knew he should be telling them, but he also needed more time. If Alec and Izzy knew they would insist on trying to help and the more people involved the more likely Jonathan would know something was up. They needed to be kept in the dark until Jace knew more. _No, not yet. I need more information, Jonathan's incredibly intelligent, if they get involved he'll know. I'm gonna bring them in but I need more time to try and figure out his plan, gain his trust. If I talk too soon Clary could get hurt or we could lose him again. This situation is delicate, I need you promise me you'll keep quiet. For Clary's sake._

 _Okay_ … Simon still seemed nervous. _I'll do my best._

 _Okay._ Jace confirmed. _I have to go Simon. I'll check in as soon as I can. We're 6 hours ahead here, we should figure out a time and date that's best to check in at least twice a week. I'm thinking Wednesday and Sunday, 12pm Paris time, does that work?_

 _I'll make time Jace, whatever's best for you, you're risking a lot more than me._ Simon confirmed.

Jace breathed a sight of relief. _I appreciate that. I have to go._

Jace took off the ring and took a few deep breaths calming himself. The flashback were still fresh in his mind, Clary covered in blood by his hands, the look of shock and betrayal on Imogen's face, the terror in the eyes of every mundane… Jace's heart raced, his palms usually steady shaking uncontrollably, nausea rising. He forced his mind focus on the one thing he could control, he closed his eyes breathing slowly, counting 1, 2, 3, 4 in and out until he felt steady. He opened his eyes, watched the water flowing, picturing Clary's face in his mind, the way her eyes lit up right before she smiled when she was truly happy and slowly he began to feel more centred. He shook his head, stepping back into the present and got up making his way to prepare for the night.

—

It was a short walk to the Seine Privee - Croisiere privee a Paris. The cool night air was soothing as they stepped onto the river boat which was much larger than Clary had expected and draped with fairy lights around the windows and ceiling in elaborate patterns offset by what looked like ivy interspersed. The floors were mostly carpeted with a small wooden dance floor in the centre of the room. A table was set near one of the windows, a single red rose in a glass vase offsetting a bottle of champagne sat in a bucket of ice chilling with two frosted glasses prepared. A platter of strawberries, assorted cheeses, antipasto delicacies and delicate looking crackers adorned the centre with two small plates opposite. It was simple, elegant and completely magical.

"This is…" Clary shook her head in surprise looking at him, dumbstruck, a huge smile appearing on her face. Nobody could say that Jace didn't know how to spoil a girl. "You did all this in one afternoon?"

"Well, I do have my ways." Jace winked and held out his hand for her. "Shall we?"

Clary placed her hand in his and they set themselves down at the table as the boat started taking off slowly. "Does your family know what a hopeless romantic you are?" Clary teased, grinning as he poured her a glass of champagne.

Jace smiled as he poured himself a glass. "I'm not sure… but now you know." He winked making her shake her head chuckling slightly.

"What should we drink to?" Clary asked.

Jace picked up his glass, looking thoughtful for a moment. "To second chances." He stated sincerely.

Clary nodded holding his tender gaze. "To second chances." She agreed before they both took a sip. He watched her face light up enjoying the cool, lightly sparking liquid. "This is amazing." She gushed. "Not just the wine, but just…" she took another look around smiling as what he'd orchestrated. "…everything. You're amazing Jace."

Jace smiled warmly. "I'm just happy that you're happy." He stated, looking at her like she held the moon and all the stars in her hands.

Clary gazed out the window, mesmerised by the sights around them. She'd always wanted to see Paris ever since she'd seen the pictures in one of her mother's coffee table books as a child. Something about the look of the city, the cobble stone streets, the old buildings, the bridges over the river glistening under the lamp lights at night. It was so picturesque, the kind of place she could imagine sketching or painting every day for the rest of her life.

Jace's eyes softened. She was so beautiful it almost hurt to look at her. She wore a simple flowing dress cut just above the knee, made of delicate deep red, matt silk, thin shoulder straps and a low cut neck line which perfectly accentuated her body in ways which made him feel hot under the collar. Clary was always beautiful, but tonight she almost literally took his breath away. She brought her gaze back to him, catching the look of awe on his face. "What is it?" She asked inquisitively.

Jace reached out his hand. "Dance with me?" He asked almost as if he was afraid she would say no.

Clary took his hand and stood with him, Jace clicked a button on his phone and some music came on. Clary's face lit up and she laughed. "Moondance? You didn't tell me you were a fan of Van Morrison. Wow, you're really showing your age." She teased.

Jace raised one eyebrow. "You do realise I'm only 4 years older than you right?" He took her hip and pulled her close.

Clary wrapped her arms around his neck grinning cheekily. "Exactly, you're practically ancient."

Jace nodded amused. "Well if I'm so old, how do you know what the song is and who sings it?"

Clary's face dropped a little, a touch of sadness in her eyes. "My mom used to play all these old songs when I was little."

Jace brought one hand to her face and stroked her cheek gently. "I'm so sorry Clary, I…"

"Shhhh…" Clary interrupted. "It's okay Jace. I can talk about her, I mean it still hurts everyday, but I can remember her now and smile… or at least try." A small tear fell from her eyes before she even realised it was there.

"Hey, are you okay?" Jace asked with concern, wiping the tear from her eye.

Clary nodded, gathering herself together. "I am. I _really_ am. My life isn't perfect, but… I'm happy. I'm _really_ happy."

Jace pulled her close letting her head rest on his chest as they swayed. "I'm happy too." He whispered against her ear. "You've made me happier than I've ever been in my life."

Clary backed off just enough to meet his gaze so full of love and tenderness that her pulse quickened and she felt herself tremble a little. She didn't know if she would ever really get used to the way he loved her. She placed her hands either side of his face and leaned into his waiting kiss. It was soft, tender and full of affirmation, the kind of kiss that spoke of understanding and intimacy and left them knowing they could kiss each other like this for the rest of their lives. They left their foreheads pressed together as their lips parted, enjoying the closeness.

"So… what else have you planned for tonight?" Clary asked as they continued dancing slowly.

"That depends…" Jace started.

"Depends on what?" Clary asked.

"On whether we're likely to be interrupted if we go back to the apartment." Jace smirked, but he felt nervous.

Clary blushed slightly but didn't look embarrassed, rather nervous as he was. "Well… Jonathan said he would be out all night so I think we can safely say we won't be interrupted." She smiled suggestively, pressing just a little bit closer to him.

"Out all night huh." Jace commented, not quite believing it.

"I believe the exact words he used were _don't wait up for me sister_." Clary confirmed. "When he says that it usually means he'll be back at dawn… and if not, the door to my bedroom locks." She bit her bottom lip suggestively, almost expecting Jace to shoot her down again, but instead he looked… ready. Nervous but ready.

Part of him was happy, the other part of him was suspicious of what Jonathan could have planned that would keep him out all night. He wasn't exactly a people person, neither was he shy of interrupting them. Nevertheless, Jace decided to take tonight. He couldn't track Jonathan without arousing suspicion and the safest place for Clary was by his side. For a moment he was unsure of what to do. Was it right to be so happy when they might be in grave danger from whatever Jonathan had planned? Or was this just another distraction trying to get in the way of what both he and Clary wanted more than anything in this moment.

Despite all of the questions and concerns Jace realised concluded that dealing with Jonathan could wait a night. Looking at Clary now, feeling her in his arms after thinking he'd lost her forever… there was nothing to compare with the complete joy he felt right now in spite of everything. He realised without a questions that he was ready and he wanted Clary just as much as she wanted him. It wasn't a question anymore, as they danced, bodies pressed together, gazing at each other, he just knew he was ready… they were ready.

"Okay." Jace agreed to her questioning eyes. "I want this… I want you." He confirmed.

Clary leaned in and kissed him again, brief but passionate and full of desire. "Good." She stated as they parted. "I can't wait."

They spent the rest of the ride enjoying the food and wine, dancing and gazing around as the city passed by, their eyes already making love with every connection to each other. By the time they got back to the apartment, they were ready to explode from all the pent up tension. Before they even reached the door they were all over each other, pinning each other against the elevator walls and just outside the apartment door as they kissed so passionately they had to take moments to remember to breathe. Their waiting had made them ravenous for each other, only increased each moment by the knowledge of almost losing each other, leaving them hot and trembling together from the desire they shared. They made their way into the apartment, barely noticing anything outside of each other as they started making their way to the bedroom, startled back into reality by another voice in the room.

"You two could at least keep all of this to the confines of your room don't you think."

Clary and Jace both turned their heads to see Jonathan sitting on one of the lounge chair leering at them. _Well there goes the privacy_ … Jace almost groaned out of frustration, but Clary seemed less phased somehow. She always seemed less phased when Jonathan was around.

"Apologies brother dearest." Clary replied, her voice full of sarcasm as she untangled herself from Jace's arms. "I seem to remember you saying not to wait up."

"Plans change." Jonathan stated simply as he stood and poured himself a glass of bourbon. He looked tired, if not a little defeated. "If you two are about to get busy can you at least use a soundless rune? There are some things a brother should never have to hear if you don't mind."

Clary didn't answer, simply rolled her eyes as she pulled Jace with her to her bedroom at the other side of the apartment.

Yes I know I'm evil, let me know just how much in the comments ;P


	8. Connection

_Shows me colors when there's none to see_  
 _Gives me hope when I can't believe_  
 _That for the first time_  
 _I feel loved_

 _~ "For the First Time" U2_

Light filtering through the window was the first thing Jace saw as his eyes fluttered open, the gentle feeling of breathing on his neck, hand resting on his chest and the warm, soft body resting against his side reminding him that he was not alone. He gazed down at the mess of red curls and soft pale, lightly freckled skin glowing under the morning light and smiled, sighing contentedly. It didn't matter where he was, he realised, he could go anywhere in the world and he would be fine, what mattered was her. She was his home.

He felt her shift in his embrace, she lifted herself up onto her elbow, pleasantly surprised to find him already awake. "Good morning." She greeted him, smiling into his eyes. "Have you been awake long?"

Jace held her gaze fondly. "Just a few minutes." He confirmed. "Did you sleep well?"

Clary smirked, remembering their activities from the night before. "Extremely well." She bit her bottom lip seductively. "You?"

Jace knew this was one of those moments he should feel cocky, but instead he felt nervous. He'd woken up with plenty of women in his time, but never like this. He usually left the moment he was awake, without much more than a see you next time. Sometimes there was coffee, but there was never pillow talk, not like this. This was completely new territory. "Honestly? Best sleep of my life, and then waking up next to you…" He reached up caressing her face gently. "I could do this for the rest of my life." He confessed.

Clary stared into his eyes, a little taken aback by his sincerity. Jace was never subtle, he always said what he meant and he was telling her he wanted a lifetime of this with her. If it was anyone else bearing their soul this way she might have been scared, but coming from Jace… she was excited, more than excited, her heart was racing out of control as she gazed into the eyes of the man she loved more than anything in the world. "So…as first times go, that was…" She began, not quite managing to keep her voice even, memories of the night before igniting her desire for him again. "…I don't think I can even describe how good it was…"

Jace nodded in agreement. "I know what you mean… it was… perfect."

—

 _The second the door was closed they came together, two undeniable forces colliding, clinging to each other as they kissed fiercely, like the need to breathe was just a passing thought. Jace pressed Clary against the closed door, his face mere inches from hers as he used his stele to blindly draw a lock and a silent rune on the door. He was in no mood to be overheard or interrupted tonight. Clary stared up at him for a moment, her green eyes glinting in the moonlight flooding into the room as she gazed into his eyes, her entire being flooded with raw, unfettered desire. She grabbed collar of his shirt and pulled his mouth forcefully back to hers claiming him as he claimed her._

 _Clary pushed him toward the bed as they kissed, moving slowly until he felt his legs bump against the frame. Clary pushed him roughly onto the mattress, taking a moment to watch his surprise as she climbed in after him, straddling him as the silk of her dress rode up a little over her knees. Jace was shocked for a moment, not quite expecting her to be this rough, but not uncertain that he didn't like it. Clary placed her hands on his chest holding him down as he tried to lift himself to kiss her again, and though the room was dark except for the moonlight he could see the predator-like glint in her eyes, like she was the hunter and he was the prey._

 _For a moment he was excited as the prospect of allowing Clary to release the ferocity inside of her that he knew and loved so well, but something stopped him, a feeling he couldn't quite rationalise that was all of a sudden telling him to run. This should have felt like a pivotal moment for them, something worth savouring relishing in their complete connection to each other, but that wasn't how it felt. Jace couldn't quite explain it, but the look in her eyes made him feel almost like he was about to sleep with a stranger and it scared the hell out of him._

 _"Wait… stop." He gasped, his body reacting before his mind had any time to catch up. He held her waist firmly, rolling her off of him and hanging his feet over the side of the bed breathing hard._

 _He felt Clary's hands on his shoulders, the concern in her voice as she spoke. "What's wrong Jace? Are you okay?"_

 _Jace held his head in his hands feeling light headed all of a sudden, his pulse racing out of control, hands clammy, a cold chill flooding through him. He was vaguely aware of Clary moving around him, of dim lights being turned on, her kneeling in front of him holding his arms lightly almost as if she was afraid he would break. He could tell she was trying to say something but it was as if the volume was a turned down and all he could hear was muffled sounds, his vision blurred as he tried in vain to focus. The whole world was spinning for what seemed like a long time before he could finally breathe again, or hear what Clary was saying._

 _"Jace, answer me, please…" She was pleading, her eyes full of worry._

 _Jace shook his head, finally able to look at her as he slowly came out of the fog, taking a moment to re-orient himself. "I… I'm so sorry Clary, I don't know what just happened I…"_

 _Clary placed her hands either side of his face gently, her eyes radiating nothing but love and tenderness. "Jace you don't need to apologise, just… are you okay?"_

 _Jace wasn't sure what had just happened. What was the trigger here? Was it Jonathan? He thought he'd seen something in Clary's eyes as she crouched over him, but looking at her now, he only saw the woman he knew and loved, her beautiful face full of love and concern for him. He focussed on her, cupping her face gently like she was the most precious thing in the world, smiling tenderly. "I'm fine, just a moment… I guess I'm still struggling to believe that this is real, that we're really here together after everything… I guess my body's taking a while to catch up to reality…" It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the whole truth. How could he tell her that he'd stopped because he'd seen something in her that had frightened him when he wasn't even sure of what he saw or whether it was even real?_

 _Clary smiled sympathetically, her eyes full of warmth and affection. "Do you still wanna do this tonight?" She asked, her face betraying no expectations._

 _Jace held her gaze, searching her green eyes for whatever it was he'd seen, but there was only Clary, his Clary so completely beautiful, strong and vulnerable before him, desire flooding from her behind all of her concern. He'd wanted her from the moment he met her, he'd never stopped wanting her in every moment he'd spent with her. How could he not want her now? "Yes." He answered, his voice betraying the power of his desire as he leaned down capturing her mouth with his._

 _Their kiss was slow and tender this time, a completely different atmosphere filling the room. This is it. Jace thought with a sense of wonder as they shifted onto the bed laying side by side as they kissed, holding onto each other, legs mingling together. The feeling he'd been anticipating, that knowing between them, it was all there in the way she kissed him, the way her hands explored his body, the way she whispered his name like a prayer between their passionate kisses. He wasn't sure what he'd seen earlier, but right now he was certain. There was nothing else in the universe he wanted more than to be with Clary right here and now, to give himself to her completely and show her with his body how much he loved her in ways he could never fully explain with words._

 _He let his hands explore, running his fingertips over her collarbone, under the strap of her dress, sliding it over her shoulder as he kissed his way down her neck, over her shoulder, his kisses wet, slow and sensual on her exposed skin. Clary's breath quickened, hitching lightly as he kissed his way down over the top her breasts exposed from the low cut of her dress. He slid his hand to her back, bring his eyes back up to meet hers, asking with his eyes for permission as he toyed with the zipper on her dress. Clary nodded, her eyes darkened with desire as he brought his mouth back to hers while simultaneously sliding the zipper down, running his hand over the smoothness of her bare skin up to her shoulder, drawing her closer._

 _Clary gasped as he suddenly sat up, pulling her with him so she was straddling him again. They gazed at each other, taking in the moment as their eyes roamed over each other. Clary unbuttoned his shirt, pushing it over his shoulders slowly, enjoying the way his skin prickled under her touch, before and tossing it aside. She ran her fingers over the runes on his chest, tracing the lines and scars from the occasions when he'd neglected a healing rune. She stopped over the scar that etched its' way onto his chest where Valentine had stabbed him, one of his few scars that had never really healed. She placed her hand over the mark thanking the angel once again for granting her wish. Jace brought his hand over hers, his eyes soft and warm speaking of so much understanding. They both understood the insurmountable anguish of losing each other and the wonder of getting a second chance. They held each other's gaze taking in the moment, Clary placed her other hand to the side of his neck stroking over his jaw with her thumb. Jace brushed his fingertips over her cheek, his expression full of wonder as if he needed be reminded that the pain was over and they were finally together._

 _It was like being back in the med bay that night when Jonathan almost killed Jace, the same passion and fear they knew too well, but with the knowledge now of why they were so afraid to lose each other. Clary ran her free hand over his brow, entangling her fingers through his golden hair, resting at the base of his skull. "I love you Jace." She breathed, almost overcome by the swell of emotion flooding through her. "I love you so much."_

 _Jace closed his eyes for a moment, his brow furrowed as he absorbed her words. He opened his eyes, his heart swelling with so much love for the woman in his arms that he couldn't possibly contain it anymore. "I love you Clary…" He started, speaking as though the words carried so much weight for him that holding them in was almost painful. "I'll love you until my last breath… and if there's a life after this, I'll love you then."_

 _Clary felt the tears fall before she even realised her vision was starting to blur, her smile wide and uncontainable. She remembered the days before they fell in love, how closed off he was to his emotions, and now here he was pouring his heart and soul out before her, so vulnerable and open, looking at her like she was the only thing in the world worth seeing. She pulled him in kissing him like it was the last time she would ever feel his lips on hers, overwhelmed by the emotions surging through both of them. She slid her hands over his chest, enjoying the way his muscles rippled under her touch as he let his hands roam down her arms, releasing for a moment before placing his hands on her thighs, sliding up under her dress to her hips. She could feel herself moistening, her pulse racing as he massaged over her hips, his lips her willing subjects as she kissed him hungrily, running her hands up his chest to his neck. His skin was hot and smooth under her hands, his touch like fire over hers as she claimed his mouth, sliding her tongue along his bottom lip, begging for entry. Jace opened his mouth gently massaging his tongue with hers, feeling his pants getting tighter._

 _Clary pressed herself against him, feeling the need for greater connection growing with each passing moment. She pulled back a little sucking on his bottom lip as they parted momentarily, Clary holding his gaze as she slipped the other strap off of her shoulder sliding the soft silk over her, exposing her bare chest to him, enjoying the look of hunger in his eyes as he gazed over her, taking her in. She reached down, guiding his hands up just enough for him to get the picture. He took his time caressing up her sides to her breasts, starting lightly, running his thumbs over the sides and then taking both into his hands, gently massaging in circles, worshiping her in all of her splendour. He moved his hands down again, Clary almost complaining until she realised he was taking her dress completely off, sliding it slowly over her body and tossing it aside._

 _His eyes darkened even more as he looked at her, now clad in nothing but a pair of dark crimson lace panties. His whole body felt like it had been set alight, his desire for her a force of nature beyond his control. "You are so beautiful." He breathed out as he placed his hands either side of her face and kissed her briefly, with such tenderness and desire that he left her wanting so much more. She shifted lying back as he moved with her, settling himself by her side as he placed his hand on her hip, teasing around the band of her panties, letting his eyes gaze over her in all of her magnificence. Clary sighed into his touch as he caressed over her torso to her left breast, shifting himself down a little, kissing his way down her neck, over her collar bone, gentle, sucking kisses, enough to bring the most delicious sensations but not enough to leave a mark. He paused over her breasts before snaking his tongue out and swirling it around her nipple before sucking lightly, earning a small moan as he kissed his way to her right breast, following the same pattern there, feeling her fingers run through his hair in gratitude._

 _He took his time, rolling his tongue around her nipples, gentle sucking, wet hungry kisses all over her until she felt like she might explode if she didn't have him soon. Jace kissed his way back up to her mouth, Clary rolling to face him, sliding her leg over his hip, earning a low groan as she teased around the skin of his hips and lower abs before reaching for the buckle on his belt. She made quick work of his belt, followed by the button and zipper of his trousers, feeling him straining against the confines of his pants, more than happy at the idea of releasing him. She teased him a little, rubbing her hand over the front of his briefs, earning a low moan. She could tell without him even being fully erect that he was anything but average and she wanted nothing more than to touch him, all of him right now. But first she needed to be sure, pulling back for a moment, cupping his face with her hand, looking him seriously in the eyes._

 _"Are you sure you want to do this?" She asked, feeling a little absurd at this point, but she would not proceed unless he was completely sure._

 _Jace smiled warmly, caressing his thumb over her cheek, his eyes betraying him more than words ever could. "I've never wanted anyone more than I want you Clary." He stated sincerely. "I want you… tonight… here and now."_

 _She nodded her mouth slightly open, as he pulled her close, pressing his chest against hers as he kissed her passionately until both of them were gasping for air. She was done with these clothes still separating them, sliding his trousers down along with his underwear. Jace shifted his hips to assist her as she used her feet to kick them all the way off, giggling lightly at the way he squirmed out of them. Jace blushed, flashing a shy grin as he felt himself completely bare before her. He was nervous all of a sudden looking at her, his heart beating erratically as he realised this was it. He'd wanted this moment for so long that it was almost surreal to finally be here so close to the woman he loved and wanted more than anything else in this life._

 _Clary couldn't help but stare as she gazed over his immaculate form. He was almost too beautiful for words, his golden skin shinning in the dim candle light, the shape of his taught muscles accented by the dim lighting only making him that much more beautiful, her desire for him building beyond anything she'd ever felt before. She could feel how swollen she was, her panties now drenched in anticipation, wanting nothing more than to finally feel him touch her where she most wanted him. She took his hand, surprised at the slight tremble as she guided his hand down, nodding in permission and then letting go as he slid under her panties, lightly brushing over her, a light gasp escaping her lips as he slid his fingers through her slick folds, listening to her closely for signals of what she liked as he leaned in to kiss her neck._

 _It wasn't long before Clary was moaning into his ear, begging him for more as she lifted her hips, stilling his hand and guiding him to get rid of her panties. Jace obliged, manoeuvring his way down her body sliding them off, down her legs, his eyes drunk with raw desire as he slid his hands back up her body, drinking in the slight of her completely bare before him. He settled with himself to her side, head low enough to kiss around her hips, hands caressing up her inner thigh, eyes fixed on her core as she opened her legs to him. Even in the dim light Jace could see her core red and swollen, dripping and begging for his touch. He dragged his fingers over her, revelling in the heat and wetness, watching as her hips lifted slightly into his touch, a gasping moan escaping her mouth as he started to move, exploring her folds, teasing around her clit, gentle circles adjusting his pressure and pace according to her responses._

 _He had dreamed so many times of being with Clary like this, longed with every fibre of his being to be the one who had the privilege of sharing this kind if intimacy with her. And now that he was here, he couldn't help but savour every moment. He kissed around her lower abs and hips, revelling in the taste of her skin as he continued his gentle strokes, starting to tease around her opening between teasing her clit mercilessly, the sounds of pleasure falling from her lips like a symphony to his ears. He dragged his fingers over her, sliding a finger carefully inside of her, feeling how open she already was slowly added another feeling her opening even more with every stoke, swirling in and out as she moaned softly into his touch._

 _Clary had never felt anything like it, the way Jace moved inside of her was better than anything she had felt before, his lightly calloused fingers opening her, sending waves of pleasure through her she never knew she was capable of feeling. She propped herself up on her elbows as she watched him, enjoying not only the sensation but the look of complete unfettered desire as he looked up at her face for a moment before shifting them so that he was settled between her legs. He kissed his way over lower abs, down until his mouth hovered over her core, cocking a wicked grin before snaking his tongue out and dragging it slowly up her slit over her clit and back down again, repeating his movement as his fingers continued their work in side of her. He felt heady completely enrapt in the taste of her as she moaned loudly in ecstasy, lost in the pleasure he was giving her. She could feel her climax building with every stroke of his tongue and gentle swirling thrust of his fingers, the pressure inside of her building, begging for release._

 _"Oh god, Jace!" She gasped out throwing her head back as she felt herself tremble under the force of her release looming so close, building through her entire body completely beyond her control._

 _Jace felt Clary's hips starting to buck gently against him and he knew she was getting close. He built his pace flicking and sucking her clit with greater pressure, adding a third finger as he pushed deeper and faster. Clary started to tremble, her moans escalating higher and less controlled, building and building until her vision blurred as she felt her orgasm explode through her entire body. She cried out unrestrained, arching her back as Jace stroked her through their climax, gently bringing her down as he kissed over her swollen lips, around her inner thighs, back up her body, slowly appreciating every inch of her body, taking a moment to wipe his face on the bed sheet before meeting her gaze._

 _She smiled up at him, her cheeks lightly flushed, eyes gleaming in the afterglow. She placed her hands either side of his face, pulling him close, kissing him softly, tenderly. She could taste herself a little on his lips, but she didn't care, wanting him so badly she could hardly contain herself. She kissed him harder, reaching between them to finally touch him. Jace gasped as she gently stroking around the tip of his shaft before wrapping her hand around him and sliding down all the way to his balls, brushing lightly over them before sliding her hand up again. Jace moaned deeply as she stroked over him, circling her hand a little, making him almost impossibly hard but not as hard as he became when she kissed her way to his ear and whispered low and husky "I want you Jace. I want you inside of me. Please…"_

 _Jace halted her hand briefly, pulling back so he could look at her. They held each other's gaze for a long moment, both of them taking in the moment. This was it, the moment of complete connection they had been waiting for so long to share together. Jace brought his hand to her face, stroking over her cheek gently. "It might be a bit of a mood killer, but do we need protection?" He asked, a little breathless._

 _Clary didn't look any less turned on, if anything she looked even more ready than she was before. "I'm on the pill Jace." She stated simply, raising her eyebrows suggestively as she teased her fingers around his hips and lower abs, deliberately avoiding his shaft, driving him wild with anticipation. "And it's not a mood killer." She stated, gratefully, shifting one hand to his jaw, running her thumb over his lower lip, eyes focusing on his lips for a moment before meeting his gaze again._

 _He wanted her, oh by the angel did he want her. But he needed to know what she was comfortable with first. "Do you want me to use a condom?" He asked, his voice a little shaky as she continued to tease him. She was not making this easy and he was loving every second of it._

 _She slid her hand slowly over his abs, his chest, coming to rest on the side of his neck. She held his gaze, eyes overflowing with love and desire as she shook her head. "No. I want you Jace… right here and now." she breathed, her voice thick with desire. "Are you ready?"_

 _Jace nodded, holding her gaze as he leaned down and kissed her, slowly, passionately, lingering as she reached between them again, guiding him to her. She teased the tip of him around her folds, still drenched from her explosive climax, her breathing hitching slightly at the feeling of him stroking over her. She needed more, needed to feel him inside of her, needed that complete connection with him. Now._

 _She guided him to her entrance, meeting his gaze as both of them nodding to indicate the were ready before Jace started to move, gently sliding in, inch by inch, constantly gaging her reactions, trying as best he could not to hurt her until he knew how much she could take. Clary didn't look like she was in pain though, rather she looked like she wanted more as she lifted her hips, eyes begging him for more. Jace obliged sliding in deeper until he could feel himself completely buried inside of her. He groaned deeply at the sensation, pausing for a moment to take her in, breathing heavily as he held her gaze. Nothing had prepared him for how he would feel right now. This was something far more than a physical connection, it was more than desire and lust, it was pure, unadulterated love beyond anything he'd ever felt. Being will Clary filled him up while still leaving him wanting more. So much more…_

 _"I love you." Jace whispered fervently as he started to move sliding in and out slowly, revelling in the incredible sensation of being inside of her. Clary bit her bottom lip, a gentle moan escaping her as he leaned in kissing her deeply, her legs wrapping around him, sliding one down the back of his leg as she let her hands roam, over his back, digging her nails in gently, earning a low groan from him._

 _The feeling of Jace being inside of her was more than she could ever describe, the complete connection to Jace more wonderful than she could ever put into words. She'd thought she might have been shy when it finally came to their moment, but being with him now was so immersive that all she could think about was the waves of pleasure he was giving her with every thrust, every kiss and caress. It was so much more than sex, it was pure adoration and love flowing between them. Jace touched her like she was rare and precious, worshipping her with every fibre of his being. It was almost too amazing for her to bear._

 _"Oh Jace…" She moaned, as she let her hands slip lower, settling on his lower back. She wanted more. "Please… harder…" she begged, burying her face in his neck as he obliged, sending her even higher and closer to her peak._

 _Jace's breathing was coming faster and harder as he moved with Clary, sweat starting to prick his skin from the heat building between them. Clary's moans started to escalate, building in volume, less controlled as were his. He was getting closer with every thrust, feeling his release building stronger and more powerful the harder and faster they went, her warm and slick insides clenching and opening reflexively to his movements. She felt better than anything he'd ever experienced, every part of him alive and in the moment with her, nobody else existed right then but Clary._

 _He felt her grab his ass, pulling him closer as if that were possible right now, as she devoured him with kisses, sucking gently as she went up his neck, along his jaw, pausing when she reached his lips. She met his gaze both of their eyes black pools of two people drunk on desire for each other, both breathing heavily as they felt the pressure inside of them becoming almost unbearable. Just when Clary felt like it couldn't get any better, Jace reached between them and started rubbing circles around her clit making Clary cry out in ecstasy, the sound muffled by Jace's sudden passionate kiss, her insides clenching around him as he groaned into her mouth. She sucked hard on his bottom lip as their lips parted, foreheads pressed together as she felt her release looming incredibly close, unable to control her cries anymore. Jace continued is work on her clit, thrusting harder, faster, so close he could hardly hold on, exerting every bit of self-control he had to get her there first. It wasn't long before he could feel her starting to tremble, her insides clenching hard around him as she practically screamed in ecstasy as her climax exploded through her. It was enough to send him over the edge as he thrust deep inside her once more, crying out loudly as he felt himself release inside of her._

 _He braced his hands either side of her, resting his forehead against hers, both of them hot and slick with sweat. Clary brought both her hands to his face, one cupped the back of his head, the other his jaw as she drew his mouth back to hers. Her kiss was soft and tender, lingering after as their breathing returned to normal. It seemed a long time before they could bear to separate themselves from each other. Finally Jace pulled himself out carefully before rolling to his back hands resting over his head. They lay side by side for a moment, neither of them speaking, simply taking in the impact of what they had just shared. Clary had always felt the pull toward Jace, drawn so powerfully to him in ways she could never truly understand. She still felt the pull now, their physical intimacy somehow making her even more drawn toward him. She rolled to her side, propping herself up on her elbow, placing her hand on his chest as she tangled one of her legs with his. He caught her gaze, smiling tenderly at her, placing his hand over hers._

 _"That was incredible." Clary stated, smiling at him a little giddy, still basking in the afterglow. "I can see why so many women are keen to jump into bed with the great Jace Herondale." She joked, giggling at the slight blush that crept into his face._

 _"Well I am pretty incredible." Jace agreed giving her his best cocky grin, before turning serious again, his face full of tenderness as he held her gaze. "Seriously though, that was… amazing. I've never felt anything even close to what I feel when I'm with you Clary."_

 _Clary looked visibly touched as she leaned in kissing him briefly but tenderly. "I guess we should cover up incase brother dearest decides to break through that lock rune." She stated reluctantly._

 _"He could do that?" Jace asked, a little insecure at the thought. It was more than a little unnerving what Jonathan could be capable of sometimes._

 _Clary rolled her eyes in annoyance. "Unfortunately yes. Which means if he hasn't decided to barge in here tonight, he must really not want to interrupt us."_

 _"Well I guess that's… nice?" Jace quirked one eyebrow, not quite ready to believe that Jonathan was capable of being gracious._

 _Clary laughed lightly. "I guess miracles do happen. The silent rune probably helped more than anything. I mean he's not stupid, but I guess no sound equals no rude interruptions?"_

 _Jace slipped his free arm around her stroking her back gently. "Let's hope so." He agreed. "Now if you don't mind, I'd rather focus on you than your brother."_

 _Clary nodded in agreement. "Okay." They shifted, getting under the covers, settling in together, completely exhausted. Jace lay on his back as Clary curled up next to him, resting her head on his chest. "Jace?" Clary spoke, her voice vulnerable all of a sudden. "Will you promise me something?"_

 _Jace nuzzled his face into the top of her head comfortingly. "What is it?" He asked, his voice full of concern._

 _"If I ever go too far…. Pull me back?" She seemed all of a sudden very far away, like she was caught up in another moment in time._

 _Jace wasn't sure what to make of it, but he decided to put it out of his mind for now, focusing on comforting her instead. "I promise." He stated seriously, meaning every word._

 _Clary sighed contentedly after a moment, relaxing into his embrace. "Goodnight Jace. I love you."_

 _Jace kissed the top of her head softly, lingering a moment, breathing in the scent of her hair. "I love you Clary." He whispered as he felt her drifting off against him. He closed his eyes, feeling himself drift off within seconds into sweet oblivion._

—

Jace opened his mouth slightly, as if to continue, his face softening even more, a slight blush creeping into his cheeks. Jace didn't blush. It made her feel special somehow, like part of him was sharing his firsts with her, no matter how many women he'd had before. She leaned in kissing him gently, lingering after, resting her forehead against his. Whatever the future held for them, she knew one thing for certain, she wanted more, so much more of this.

Ahhhh the long awaited first time. I love you've all enjoyed and are looking forward to seeing what comes next.


End file.
